session shenanigans
The studio guitarist’s guide to happiness and personal fulfilment, as related by session ace Mitch Dalton. This month: Happy new gear!
Imagine a promlem-solving challenge set by a sound sadist, a musical equivalent combining the Rubik’s cube, The Times crossword and the ticket buying options on the Tottenham Hotspur FC website. Throw in the old chestnut about the river crossing with the wolf, the goat and the cabbage and only then you will you have an insight into the migraine mikado that is the musical instrument and backline challenge thrown down by Strictly Come Dancing 2018 - The Live Arena Tour.
It begins in time-honoured tradition. We reconvene in early January at John Henry’s Rehearsal Studios in London’s vibrant King’s Cross Industrial Estate. I bring along a bunch of assorted instruments - a round half dozen - in the hope-against-hope that they might cover most of the bases required for our toe-tapping dance fest. To say nothing of two amplifiers (acoustic and electric), a warehouse worth of accessories and pedals. And flight cases for the lot. You won’t be surprised to learn that this ‘roadie’s vision of Hell’ doesn’t fit in the Bentley. They have to send a people carrier to my Hertfordshire hovel to collect it. A large one.
As it happens, the news is already decidedly lacking in cheer even before a note has been whammied in anger. Our Mozartian Maestro David Arch has already been in touch on the eve of Rehearsal Day One with fax ‘n’ info. “We’re required to play a medley from Sweet Charity as the closing group dance. It’s long. It’s involved. You play electric and acoustic guitar and switch several times. The acoustic part is solo. There is no time to swap instruments. Therefore you will need an acoustic guitar emulator pedal for electric guitar. Please refer to the link I’ve sent you and bring one. Message ends.” Which is the point at which Amazon Prime makes another emergency cameo appearance in my life. By considerable good fortune, I am rewarded on the first run-through with the accolade, “Yes. That’s alright, I guess.” You may rest assured that praise comes no higher from The Archbishop Of Perfection himself.
We then move on to Run Boy Run. In E flat minor. A less than challenging part you might imagine, considering that it consists entirely of one repeated semibreve note tied for two bars.
Eb, Sadly that note is to be played on either a baritone guitar or a detuned electric on the bottom string. With an octave pedal mixed in and some delay added for weirdness. So that’s gonna be an extra guitar (Parker Fly) coming on tour for five weeks, specifically for one note in one tune. Happy days.
At this point I begin to engage in a mental exercise in gear damage limitation. How many instruments will be needed on this year’s jaunt? Hmm... let’s see. A banjo features in three tunes. There’s the acoustic guitar in Memory. The Gibson 335 for Johnny B Goode (obvs). Something heavily rock-orientated for Live And Let Die. Something jazzy for the show tune stuff which includes La La Land, among others. The detuned Parker. And the obligatory Stratocaster for whatever remains.
No way. Seven is clearly not a magnificent number in this particular case. I think I’d better think it out again. So, let’s see. I can use the 335 for the jazz sounds instead of my preferred Gibson L4. And then I discover that the Bare Knuckle pickups on said instrument sound epic for the Bond theme. Result. Seven guitars become five. Which is quite enough, thanks.
At which point we are greeted with the news that all the gear must be packed away and loaded on to the truck after day five of the rehearsals. Which is fine but for one tiny oversight. We are due to record the entire show onto a click track two days hence, for technical reasons too numbing to discuss within the pages of a music journal such as this. I now need to delve into my instrument store and cobble together a rig that can duplicate everything I have organised for the tour.
At which point I sit calmly with a cup of tea and evaluate my options and possible response. And after calm deliberation, I come up with the solution.
Which turns out to be... Aaaaaaaaaargh!
you won’t be surprised to learn that this ‘roadie’s vision of hell’ doesn’t fit into the bentley