Haven Magazine - - WELLBEING - Words: Tanya Cur­tis

The team at Fabic are a wealth of knowl­edge when it comes to child­hood be­havioural is­sues. Do you have a burn­ing ques­tion? Email ed­i­tor@haven­ and keep your eyes peeled for their ex­pert an­swers.

My daugh­ter, 12, has started to ask me to drop her at our lo­cal shop­ping cen­tre so she can hang out there and go shop­ping with her friends. I feel un­com­fort­able about this but I know I can’t keep say­ing ‘no’ to her. How do I know when to start to loosen the apron strings? Par­ent­ing is about rais­ing young peo­ple to be in­de­pen­dent, re­spon­si­ble, con­nected young adults. Our role as par­ents is to make our role re­dun­dant - not so we are not wanted but, even­tu­ally, not needed. Par­ents are re­quired to have bound­aries to sup­port each per­son to grow into their in­de­pen­dent and re­spon­si­ble self, how­ever these bound­aries over time will need to be ex­panded with an of­fer­ing of in­creased in­de­pen­dence. The ques­tion on most par­ents’ minds is when and what age do we do this? Gen­er­ally speak­ing, this is not a de­ci­sion based on age. Rather, it’s based on be­hav­iour choices. If our young peo­ple are bought to an un­der­stand­ing that true re­spect will be earned based on their own choices, then (and only then) are we likely to ex­pand our bound­aries for them. A par­ent should feel that their child is likely equipped to re­spond to what life presents and be likely to make re­spon­si­ble, safe de­ci­sions in con­sid­er­a­tion and re­spect of all peo­ple equally. In a nut­shell, the an­swer to ‘When do I say yes to my child’s re­quest?’ is based more so on when they have shown you con­sis­tently that they are go­ing to make re­spon­si­ble choices. I feel like I re­peat my­self all the time - make your bed, brush your teeth etc. How do I get through to my kids and not sound like a bro­ken record, be­cause it can be so tir­ing? Vis­ual sched­ules are a great way to sup­port our chil­dren to have an un­der­stand­ing of par­tic­u­lar rou­tines etc. It is of­ten that we have the same jobs that we do over and over again through­out our daily, weekly, monthly

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