Unsung icons: Christmas toys The many fads we’ve loved
COMEDIAN DAVID SMIEDT TAKES AN IRREVERENT, BUT APPRECIATIVE, LOOK AT THE CLASSIC THINGS THAT DEFINE YOU-BEAUT AUSSIE LIFE
IT IS THE FATE
– some might even say the responsibility – of every generation to bemoan whatever the next generation is into. Music and fashion are the low-hanging fruit here, but it’s time that another truth was categorically stated: Christmas toys peaked in the period between 1970 and 1990. Right now, some of you may be glibly thinking, “I’ll see your Boggle and raise you a PlayStation,” but hear me out.
Before entertainment became synonymous with disappearing into a device, the best toys necessitated actual interaction with friends and family. IRL, as the kids would say now.
Case in point, that devourer of rumpus room floors, the Scalextric. With the barest amount of spatial ability, you could construct a track and propel cars around it with enough velocity to freak out the cat. But it was only really fun when you were racing someone else.
Ditto Hot Wheels, whose bazonkers ramps could turn miniature metal cars into missiles capable of annoying an older sister from 10 metres away. Again, two or more people were required.
For the artistic child, nothing floated your boat quite like the Etch A Sketch. Thanks to the magic of aluminium powder, which clings to glass like a silk shirt to flesh during a sweaty summer commute, masterful creations were a few knob twirls away. No battery power required. And, of course, no one else was allowed to shake away your masterpiece until it had been passed to various relatives who all politely feigned, “Oh yes, it is the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Look, Kevin, it’s the Sydney Harbour Bridge.”
If you wanted to upgrade to colour and rounded shapes, there was the Magna Doodle, which invariably came with an ill-conceived single entendre from a slightly tipsy second cousin along the lines of, “Don’t let me catch you playing with your Doodle.” Paint-bynumbers kits were popular with those who had all of the zeal but little of the talent. And don’t get me started on the mind-bending magic of those kits where you painted water onto chemically treated paper and the colour would emerge like a Pantone phantom.
Looking back on the Etch A Sketch, Magna Doodle and paint- by-numbers kits with adult(ish) eyes, it’s clear that they all required a degree of concentration. Which, in turn, resulted in a few moments of quiet as kids were dispatched to the furthest corners of the room with an order to “come back and show me what you’ve done in 30 minutes… and stop trying to hit your sister with the Hot Wheels”.
Add ever-popular jigsaw puzzles – the socks of the toy world – into the mix, and the idea that our playthings were mandated by a massive parental conspiracy aimed at keeping down the volume begins to take shape. Until, of course, your one groovy older cousin gave you Jenga and things literally fell apart amid the clatter of timber on linoleum and the unsurpassed glee children get from watching anything topple over. (Side note: you could combine
Jenga with Scalextric by laying the wooden pieces over the track and driving through them, like in the movie The Fast and the
Furious, which you just knew was going to be a one-hit wonder.)
Then there was Lego, the ultimate refuge of the unimaginative parent. Fresh pieces were as much a part of an Aussie Christmas as eating piping hot roast turkey on a 35-degree day. Through sheer marketing smarts, the Danish toy manufacturing giant cemented its bricks to whatever pop culture phenomenon was driving kids doolally at the time. Yes, you would patiently explain to a parent who had a direct line to Santa, of course you already had Lego, but it wasn’t the Star Wars/Batman Lego.
After choking on their kombucha with barely concealed disdain, today’s kids would most likely counter that they are in fact playing games with their mates. It’s just the technology that has changed. Deal with it, Pops. Call us old-fashioned, but we preferred it when everyone was in the same room.
HOT WHEELS MISSILES COULD annoy AN OLDER SISTER FROM 10 METRES AWAY