A dose of honesty about behaviour can help bring about change
Sometimes it’s worth stopping for a bit before taking the plunge
It was like creating a cooling off period which interfered with my original strategy and highlighted how important it was to take time to decide.
MY WIFE is an amazing person and one who I respect, trust, love and cherish for the person she is and the person she will be. I may be biased; we did meet on top of Uluru at sunrise many years ago and have been together since and that’s another story.
Not only that, Rowena has the remarkable ability to provide me with insights into my own behaviour that I am often blind to and through those insights I have the opportunity to develop much greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of myself. I am incredibly fortunate to have that relationship.
An example of this is when, after knowing me for a few years, she challenged me about my “buying” strategy. (I was probably looking at another pair of boots to add to a wardrobe relatively full of similar footwear). What’s a buying strategy, you might ask? In her terms it was described in that period as being “I see it, I like it, I buy it”. There were few filters in place to manage the decision. I would rationalise the spending to myself as a need and then take action; make the purchase.
After a conversation about what had been noted I began to question my approach and consequently put in place a range of other steps in between to challenge my immediate decision creating a buffer to slow down and determine whether that purchase was necessary or was I caught up in my emotional response i.e. desire.
The strategy became “I see it, I like it, I’ll consider it and other options and I may or may not buy it”. It was like creating a cooling off period which interfered with my original strategy and highlighted how important it was to take time to decide. The brain is a complex piece of equipment and it runs on a set of neural pathways that we construct, often unconsciously, that shape our behaviour and strategies for handling everything that happens in our lives. Unless we are made aware of these behaviours either through self-reflection, an incident that challenges our map of the world or the good fortune to have a great friend who talks to us honestly, we get trapped in the strategy and justify it by saying “that’s just the way I am”.
When I hear that, my question is going to be “When did you decide that and how does it serve you?” So next time you’re getting caught up in a behaviour you know needs to change, ask yourself that question. It’s got little to do with purchasing and a lot to do with strategy.
Find someone you trust enough to tell you the truth, and to whom you will listen.