The med­i­cals are free but damn tougher

We’ve come a long way from the days of ‘get a hair­cut, son’

Life & Style Weekend - - STUFF - with Greg Bray Greg Bray blogs at greg­bray­writer.word­press.com. Find him on Face­book: Greg Bray – Writer

FOLKS, chang­ing jobs these days means en­dur­ing a thor­ough med­i­cal check-up, un­less you’re a CEO or politi­cian. Ba­si­cally, the ap­pli­ca­tion med­i­cal is the first step in a long line of fu­ture work­place hu­mil­i­a­tions.

Over the years I’ve done a few med­i­cals to de­ter­mine my fit­ness for work and, as a young buck, these were usu­ally con­ducted on the work­shop floor by some grease-stained boss who would eye me up and down be­fore gruffly ask­ing, “How’s

your back and knees, and how soon can you get a hair­cut?” I re­ally miss those days, and my long hair.

A few jobs later, I had to visit an ac­tual doc­tor who chain-smoked through the five-minute process of check­ing my back and knees, then tes­ti­cles for her­nias. But a cou­ple of years ago I went for a job as a

trades­man/handy­man/gar­dener/dogs­body and was sub­jected to a num­ber of med­i­cal tests, start­ing with a urine sam­ple that had to be done un­der strict su­per­vi­sion.

This meant with the nurse watch­ing me, well, “go’’. Do you know how hard it is to pee when some­one is star­ing at your nether re­gions like a hawk? Even­tu­ally, I man­aged to force enough drops into the spec­i­men bot­tle to sat­isfy her, but I nearly blew a gas­ket do­ing it. Af­ter­wards I had to re­peat­edly lift a heavy box on and off a high shelf, con­tort my limbs into po­si­tions they have not been in

since I was a baby, then duck­walk up and down a long cor­ri­dor in my un­der­wear. Thank­fully I’d worn a pair with strong elas­tic.

Fi­nally, I was al­lowed to dress, and then asked a lot of ques­tions about my pri­vate life which I would have been

un­com­fort­able dis­cussing with my own wife. With mount­ing panic, I started won­der­ing ex­actly what sort of work I was ac­tu­ally be­ing em­ployed to do. Even­tu­ally, I was passed as a-okay then shoved into the

street. Never I have never been so thor­oughly poked or probed.

If you would like a free com­pre­hen­sive check-up then ap­ply for an­other job, be­cause em­ploy­ers are leav­ing noth­ing to

chance nowa­days.

‘‘ Do you know how hard it is to pee when some­one is star­ing at your nether re­gions like a hawk? Even­tu­ally, I man­aged to force enough drops into the spec­i­men bot­tle

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