Life & Style Weekend - - YOU - WORDS: JOANNE WIL­SON Joanne Wil­son is a neu­ropsy­chother­a­pist and re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist of TheCon­fi­dante Coun­selling. Email [email protected]­con­fi­dan­te­coun­selling.com or visit: www.sun­shinecoast­coun­selling.com

Do you agree that 90 per cent of be­ing mar­ried is sim­ply yelling “What?” from other rooms in the house? You might even con­sider this as tick­ing off qual­ity time with your part­ner. Sorry, that doesn’t cut it and I’m here to save you from re­la­tion­ship ero­sion, es­pe­cially if it’s your spouse’s love lan­guage. It sounds like I’m strik­ing a chord for Sun­shine Coast sin­gles and cou­ples in­cred­i­bly keen to find out their love lan­guages. For those just tun­ing in, we’re up to Part 4 of this se­ries and you can com­plete the 30 quick ques­tions on my web­site to find out yours. If you’re hitched, it’s just as im­por­tant to find out the love lan­guage of your spouse. It’s also im­per­a­tive to com­mu­ni­cate what you truly ap­pre­ci­ate about your love lan­guage. Love lan­guages are the ways in which we ex­press and re­ceive love. They’re the words and ac­tions we use to let oth­ers know that we love them and how we feel that oth­ers love us. In short, the first three love lan­guages I’ve cov­ered are words of af­fir­ma­tion, acts of ser­vice and re­ceiv­ing gifts. That brings us to qual­ity time! You might think an af­ter­noon in the same house is qual­ity time, but it goes be­yond just prox­im­ity. It’s an is­sue that should in­clude fo­cus and at­ten­tion and I mean talk­ing to and en­gag­ing with each other about each other. If this is the love lan­guage of your spouse, why is it im­por­tant? Your part­ner wants to feel like your other half. What­ever ac­tiv­ity you need to do to­day, they prob­a­bly want to do it with you. Even things that might seem bor­ing, like run­ning er­rands, can be a bit spe­cial for a part­ner sim­ply be­cause you’re to­gether. There’s lit­tle worse than hav­ing a half-fo­cused con­ver­sa­tion with some­one whose love lan­guage is qual­ity time. It’ll hurt, hard. Avoid dis­tracted con­ver­sa­tion. Be present and en­gaged. Your gift of main­tain­ing in­ter­est in their life is more valu­able that you imag­ine. Ask them how their day was, then do noth­ing but lis­ten and give them your full at­ten­tion. The love lan­guage of gifts isn’t about the gifts so much as the thought be­hind them. In the same way, qual­ity time for your part­ner may well be more than sit­ting next to each other watch­ing Net­flix. Make your part­ner feel loved by plan­ning spe­cial hang­outs just the two of you. Why not carve out some time at least once a week to make a snazzy meal to­gether and play ques­tion games. That will rack up a heap of qual­ity time cred­its; es­pe­cially if you’re both com­pet­i­tive. Video games even count if you’re play­ing to­gether. Other types of qual­ity time are board games, cook­ing lessons or food festivals, art gallery or mu­seum tours. This month there’s still the Craft Beer Fes­ti­val, Jun­gle Love in the Bo­rumba Deer Park or the Caloun­dra Chilli Food Fes­ti­val. I’ve formed a huge list of fab­u­lous date ideas on the Sun­shine Coast. You’ll find them among other awe­some tips in my Re­la­tion­ship Re­ju­ve­na­tor E-book un­der books on my web­site. This se­ries con­cludes with the love lan­guage of “touch” next week.

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