I HAD to pay two mus­cu­lar blokes to move a mat­tress for me this week.

This is a sad com­ment on the state of my sex life. Ob­vi­ously any wo­man who has to pay men to do that sort of odd job is not sleep­ing with any­one.

As all women know, when it comes to divi­sion of labour, the boyfriend or part­ner, and his friends, are in charge of lift­ing stuff.

If you want to ar­gue with me, and tell me that this is the kind of sex­ist stereo­type that’s got us where we are to­day, be my guest.

I say it all evens up in the wash, given that the most re­cent Cen­sus sta­tis­tics show women still do 14 hours of house­work a week, com­pared to men’s five.

As far as women deep in dish­wash­ing suds or dirty laun­dry are con­cerned, jobs like tak­ing out the garbage, fix­ing things and, yes, lift­ing things, fall to the per­son who spends more time on the couch with the re­mote con­trol.

Be­ing un­mar­ried means hav­ing to un­block the toi­let, or­gan­ise the re­moval­ist and bury the dead an­i­mal your­self.

I have per­son­ally dis­posed of wa­ter drag­ons, bandi­coots and snakes and once had to scoop a de­com­posed rat out of the re­frig­er­a­tor drip tray with a dessert spoon.

Of course some would ar­gue this is the price of in­de­pen­dence.

This year I am ask­ing Santa not just for some­one I can have hot din­ners and sex with, but for a use­ful boyfriend.

I have no doubt the best kind of boyfriends aren’t the most hand­some, charm­ing or stud-like, but those who can DO things – fix the plumb­ing, change a light fit­ting, build a shed or, if not, pay other peo­ple to do things.

If you’re at­tached, I bet you can think of at least five things your part­ner is able to do, that you’d rather not, that makes you like them more.

I don’t know what you want from Santa but a wise, older friend told me al­ways to look at what a lover does, not says, be­cause talk is cheap but ac­tions demon­strate com­mit­ment.

It’s lit­tle acts that say love. Even if that’s as sim­ple as switch­ing a heavy mat­tress or dis­pos­ing of the rat.

Fol­low He­len on Twit­ter @hhawkes

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