RE­LA­TION­SHIPS

NOT EV­ERY­ONE FINDS THE PER­FECT LIFE WITH A PART­NER AND LIV­ING ON YOUR OWN DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LONELY IT CAN BE RE­WARD­ING

Life & Style Weekend - - MAGAZINE / WELCOME - WORDS: JOANNE WIL­SON Joanne is a neuro-psy­chother­a­pist and re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist at The Con­fi­dante Coun­selling. Email jo@the­con­fi­dan­te­coun­selling.com or visit www.the­con­fi­dan­te­coun­selling.com.

It’s AFL grand fi­nal day; I love how there’s usu­ally al­ways some­thing to cel­e­brate here in Aus­tralia. Now that we’re done with cel­e­brat­ing Mar­riage Week, it’s time to fo­cus on an­other im­por­tant de­mo­graphic of so­ci­ety – sin­gles. The re­al­ity of the “hap­pily ever after” dream re­in­forced by our so­ci­ety does not ma­te­ri­alise for many, or can break down un­ex­pect­edly at any stage in life. Some may sim­ply choose to be sin­gle and en­joy watch­ing the footy how they want, wear­ing what they want! Un­ful­filled ex­pec­ta­tions can leave us feel­ing like a to­tal loser with a sense of fail­ure, lone­li­ness, be­ing dif­fer­ent and re­jected. You may feel iso­lated with a sense of hav­ing “missed the boat”. Fur­ther­more, you can ex­pe­ri­ence: You’re alone and you don’t feel you have a choice not to be. You feel you’re lack­ing con­nec­tions you had in the past. You feel there’s no one in your life with whom you can share your feel­ings and ex­pe­ri­ences. Your self-per­cep­tions are that you’re un­ac­cept­able, unlov­able and not wor­thy. Ev­ery­one else is en­joy­ing the “party of part­ner­ship” and you’re watch­ing from the win­dow out­side. Am­plify this with well-mean­ing friends and fam­ily who say: You’re sin­gle, how come? My elec­tri­cian is very hand­some. I miss be­ing sin­gle. You’re so lucky be­ing sin­gle. How many dates have you been on? I’m liv­ing through you. There’s some­one out there for ev­ery­one. You need to just stop look­ing as that’s when you meet some­one. Do you get lonely? Maybe you’re just a lit­tle too picky? The aim of this two-part se­ries is to help those who are strug­gling to be on their own. My de­sire is for you to fur­ther ex­plore your feel­ings, val­ues and needs. It is never too late to think about ways in which life could be­come more re­ward­ing and ful­fill­ing. For each of us, be­ing on our own will hold unique and per­sonal mean­ing re­lated to our own life sto­ries and ex­pe­ri­ences and these can change with time and cir­cum­stances. While the “mar­rieds” are drowned out by the snor­ing, be­ing fi­nan­cially ac­count­able or hav­ing to ask if they can watch the footy with their mates, a chap­ter or life of sin­gle­ness can be quite a gift! Make a damn fine rea­son for this sea­son and max­imise this op­por­tu­nity to be the best ver­sion of the uniquely cre­ated you. Let’s show the Sun­shine Coast com­mu­nity what you’ve got. So watch this space next week for some mean­ing­ful ques­tions on this topic that will help you launch this phase of your life to suc­cess.

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