PARTY TRICKS COME IN MANY GUISES, BUT THEY ARE ALMOST ALWAYS GOOD FUN AND A LITTLE BIT DANGEROUS
OK, my party trick is pretty lame. When I was younger, I discovered I can turn my eyelids inside out. It’s gross, but it always gets a decent reaction. However, there’s one party trick I respect and wish I could do – the infamous “smoke bomb”. The Urban Dictionary describes it like this: “To vanish without detection from a big night out on the booze with friends. It can happen for various reasons including but not limited to picking up, incoherence, vomit etc.” As we get older, we want to be seen as fun but there’s always a time during the night out where you just wish you were back in bed, watching Netflix. So therein lies the dilemma: do you say goodbye to your friends and risk being called a “party pooper” or do you just disappear? The skill involved in pulling off the smoke bomb is impressive. So, if like me you’ve found yourself saying at a party ‘Where’s Trent?’ and then quickly realised the bugger pulled off a brilliant smoke bomb but you’re not sure how he did it, then don’t go anywhere. I have found the ultimate tip to executing a smoke bomb. The only way to smoke bomb is: when you arrive at a party or event, you have to make a big entrance. Yes, trip over something, be loud, arrive in a helicopter – anything to show you have arrived. If you do this, people at the function will remember you being there and being fun. Then, throughout the night, make yourself more inconspicuous by going to the toilet more and more until you finally disappear like a fart in a fan factory.
“Hold my beer”… the very phrase sends shivers down the spines of partners everywhere, as it signals the arrival of a party trick. Usually harebrained, often dangerous, the “party trick” has many different guises. Since the beginning of time, people have been testing themselves, proving their manhood or simply showing off their special superpowers. Booze is often involved as the required elixir to prompt or build the necessary courage for someone to roll out their talents. Whether you fit your own fist in your mouth, cry on cue or recite the entire lyrics of Snow’s Informer (leaky boom boom down included), it’s this unique talent you hope one day could be your ticket to the big time. Feats of strength feature highly in the party trick space and sometimes the contortion of a body part that makes everyone in the audience squirm. My party trick du jour is my ability to drink large quantities of liquid (aka beer) in one go, often referred to as skolling. As a dad, it’s not a skill I am particularly proud of these days, nor do I have the ability or desire to train the way I once did. But the circular breathing talent combined with the apparent absence of a gag reflex has earnt me many plaudits over the years, as was the Australian way before we become over-obsessed with political correctness. My day did come: the holy grail of the skolling world presented itself. Challenge: Bob Hawke. Location: Woodford Folk Festival. Beer: Carlton Mid. Victor: Bob Hawke... I let him win!
When it comes to a party, you need the right people to make it epic. I’m not a “classy party” kind of a girl. All I need is a Savvy B and grand-sized dance floor. Parties are the place where all the unsung heroes lie. On these special nights, the heroes among your peer groups emerge. Of course, I’m talking about the beloved party trick. If you’re unaware of what a party trick is, I thought I’d grab a definition from the Urban Dictionary. Barry pushes the keys up one leg of his pants, into the crotch area, and then reaches up the other leg, pulls them out, and hands them back to John. Essentially this is your chance to show off your best skill. As you can tell, I’m taking a while to get to my party trick, because when we first discussed what we were going to write about this week, no party trick sprung to mind. But, then it dawned on me that I used to do this a lot and there’s a good reason why I can’t do it anymore. It required flexibility, determination, stretching before and after, plus, we needed a medical professional on standby. The trick I used to do was an attempt to simply show off. I used to think I was a contortionist and simply put both my legs behind my head. But, then I’d overbalance and I’d whack my head on the tiles. Obviously this required a certain skill and a box to try and fit into so I wouldn’t fall over. There is absolutely no way I could even attempt that these days. Aren’t you glad you waited for that?