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DIS­NEY MOVIES RES­ONATE WITH US FROM CHILD­HOOD THROUGH TO ADULT­HOOD, BUT WHO WERE OUR TEENAGE DIS­NEY CHAR­AC­TER CRUSHES?

Life & Style Weekend - - MAGAZINE | OUR SAY -

DAVE

All of these Dis­ney live-ac­tion re­makes are a whole new world. I’m not yet con­vinced that they’re shin­ing, shim­mer­ing, and splen­did yet, though. I just get wor­ried that by re­mak­ing these Dis­ney car­toons that shaped your child­hood, they could get some­thing wrong and wreck ev­ery­thing you based your life on.

OK, that’s a bit melo­dra­matic, but these car­toons taught me so much about life. The Lion King taught me to find a men­tor; Cin­derella, that time is pre­cious so don’t waste any; Snow White, to kill them with kind­ness; Beauty and The Beast taught me to not judge a book by its cover; and The Lit­tle Mer­maid taught me to live my own dreams. There’s so much good stuff in these Dis­ney classics that shape us.

How­ever, we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to­day, ladies and gen­tle­men, to dis­cuss our Dis­ney crush. I’m go­ing to stick to the hu­mans in the Dis­ney Uni­verse, be­cause find­ing a car­toon at­trac­tive is kind of enough and if we bring an­i­mals into it, well, it just takes it all to the next level.

OK, my “clas­sic” Dis­ney crush is no doubt Poc­a­hon­tus. She’s a strong, pow­er­ful woman who will give up ev­ery­thing to fight what she be­lieves in ... and she’s very at­trac­tive. Now, my cur­rent (yep, I said cur­rent) Dis­ney crush is Ra­pun­zel. She is fine ... for a car­toon. You know how weird that feels to say? But don’t judge me. If we’re talk­ing the hottest car­toon ever, though, it would have to be Jes­sica Rab­bit. OK, I’ll stop now and head off to my ther­apy group.

SAM

In 1928, I doubt whether Walt Dis­ney would have thought that in 91 years’ time, three Sun­shine Coast ra­dio jocks would be cat­e­goris­ing the hot­ness of his cat­a­logue of char­ac­ters. Yet, here we are.

Not to be misog­y­nis­tic, de­lib­er­ately con­tro­ver­sial or in any way (insert any word here you like) -ist, I will be fo­cus­ing on the Dis­ney chicks.

Vin­tage Dis­ney chicks, such as Snow White and Cin­derella, are rag­ing nar­cis­sists and have a lit­tle too much bag­gage for my lik­ing. Modern-day Dis­ney chicks, Scan­di­na­vian sis­ters Anna and Elsa, rate highly for me if you can over­look Elsa’s cold­shoul­der rou­tine and Anna’s ADHD (no, I don’t want to build a friggen snow­man). Ra­pun­zel and Belle, both suf­fer­ing Stock­holm syn­drome from messy past re­la­tion­ships, would be hard work, not to men­tion their pre­vi­ous fel­las could pose a prob­lem: one a se­rial crim­i­nal; the other, lit­er­ally, a beast.

Which leaves one choice for me: the hottest Dis­ney chick ever, Ariel ( The Lit­tle Mer­maid).

Ariel likes the sea, I like the sea. I have a soft spot for gin­gers. She is strong-willed, in­de­pen­dent, has a good fam­ily be­hind her and, best of all, no feet. Feet are gross. Not to of­fend the po­di­a­trists or the masseurs out there mak­ing a liv­ing from feet, but I think the world would be a bet­ter place without feet.

Well, feet and re­li­gion, but that’s for an­other time.

ASH

It’s one of those things you don’t re­ally want to ad­mit but when the ques­tion is asked, we tell.

With the new re­lease of the live-ac­tion re­make of Aladdin, with Will Smith as the Genie, it’s nice to see these movies that we grew up with get­ting a re­boot.

Ladies and gen­tle­men, boys and girls, I would now like to con­fess my love for a char­ac­ter that shows strength, courage and good looks.

Of course, I’m talk­ing about Tarzan. He is the old-school Thor.

In fact, why didn’t Chris Hemsworth play Tarzan when they did the live-ac­tion re­boot a few years ago?

Raised in the jun­gle by apes, he’s gra­cious but fun, with a heart of gold (look at me writ­ing about him like I’ve met him). Even though Tarzan was sup­pos­edly a wild hu­man who didn’t have knowl­edge of any hu­man trends, he was some­how clean-shaven with no trace of a beard what­so­ever. Maybe they had a sneaky can of Veet hair re­moval.

Ac­tu­ally, come to think about it, I reckon Tarzan was the brain­child for the char­ac­ter Spi­der-man. If you think about it, he was a bit buff, he liked swing­ing on things and he en­joyed kiss­ing Jane up­side down.

They es­sen­tially just re­placed the vines with spi­der webs.

Over the week­end, do your­self a favour and ask your mates, which Dis­ney char­ac­ter they have an ir­ra­tional crush on.

I think you’ll be sur­prised.

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