HE SAID, SHE SAID
DO MEN AND WOMEN REALLY SHARE MORE SIMILARITIES THAN DIFFERENCES?
Throughout Audacious August, I’m bravely journeying the world of an Aussie male. Today I investigate why we find men’s lack of communication is so troubling.
Thank you for your overwhelming response to last week’s article. Here’s what you asked:
■ Do we always interpret the worst of what men are trying to say and not just assume the best one?
■ Do women need our opinion on decorating questions when we only see in primary colours? We don’t see puce or coral or that matter!
■ Don’t women desire sexual intimacy as much as we do?
■ Do men suffer inextricably worse than women when physically incapacitated?
■ Don’t men and women approach situations differently?
Firstly, let’s point out the amazing similarity between men and women – we all long to be loved. Yes, we might look different, sound different and go about getting love in a
different way, however, all the Phd’ers out there keep coming back to more similarities than differences.
While I’ve covered fascinating facts about our variances in brain structure in previous articles, one important point is we are miraculously designed to complement each other.
I’ll now address the talking conundrum with a joke from the late American journalist, Helen Rowland “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you”.
I mentioned last week that constructive emotional disclosure discussions support closeness.
I get the impression that aside from the closeness part, this seems most unappealing to men. One helpful male wrote in this week with this helpful perspective: “The masculine in all of us, men and women is covert by nature and thus reluctant to open itself up to scrutiny. Many men, especially those who have yet to recognise the power of their own feminine essence, simply have not exercised this channel for connection with another human being”.
Furthermore, neuroscience reveals that females are extremely accomplished at detecting when they’re being listened to – or not. We will catch you out! Female brains have an amazing capacity to group sounds and analyse them versus the male brain which listens for a specific focussed purpose.
As I regularly highlight in couple’s therapy, ladies, save some of your words for your gal pals and reduce any extravagant body movements to minimise distraction!
Fellas, hang in there with us. Keep eye-contact, reassure, ask questions and practise attentive listening for as long as you can. Start pondering the footy scores or other bouncy things – we see it all over your face!