Many shades at play


Life & Style Weekend - - MAGAZINE | RELATIONSH­IPS -

To­day, I’m sup­port­ing blokes for when she sees “puce” and you see brown. She sees “steel slate” and you see grey. We are in the mid­dle of Au­da­cious Au­gust with my at­tempt at step­ping into the boots of the great Aus­tralian male in a re­la­tion­ship with his sheila.

Feel free to peruse my blog for the re­cent weeks’ ar­ti­cles on the myr­iad chal­lenges faced by men as noted in re­la­tion­ship coun­selling or ones you’ve emailed in.

This topic rep­re­sents a metaphor for male­fe­male re­la­tion­ships in that we re­ally do see through dif­fer­ent lenses in many in­stances.

Re­al­is­ing this mas­cu­line ver­sus fem­i­nine ap­proach could be one ma­jor step for­ward to your more in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship.

Thanks to Ja­son who emailed in his frus­tra­tion on be­ing ques­tioned by his woman about in­te­rior dec­o­rat­ing colour op­tions. He noted, “We only see in pri­mary colours”, and he’s quite right. Men do see mul­ti­ple dis­tinct colours only and fe­males see mul­ti­ple shades. It’s hard­wired.

As you could imag­ine, women be­come quite de­spon­dent and re­jected when we re­ceive lit­tle in­put to our dilemma of the mango tango cur­tains ver­sus the coral ones.

Thanks to Dr Caro­line Leaf in her book, He Said She Said, who pro­vides greater in­sight around the cause of this in the bi­ol­ogy around our vi­sion.

“The X-chro­mo­some pro­vides the cone­shaped cells that han­dle colour. Women have two X-chro­mo­somes and men have one, so women have more cells that al­low them to see sub­tle changes in shades of colour. Fe­males also have more P-cells – spe­cial cells in the retina that help the brain in­ter­pret tex­ture and colour.

These P-cells al­low women to be more de­tail-ori­ented than men. Males, on the other hand, have more M-cells, other spe­cialised cells in the retina that help the brain an­a­lyse mo­tion, ac­tion and di­rec­tion. M-cells help men see how things move and work.”

This would ex­plain why I’ve man­aged to re­verse into my hus­band’s car in our drive­way let’s just say more than once in day­light.

It also makes sense of why he couldn’t care less about what shade of red he went when he found out. Surely the fact that men see bet­ter than women in bright light and women see more de­tails in short dis­tances in the dark has some­thing to do with it?

Com­ing up next week is our need to un­der­stand each other’s male and fe­male lenses. I’ll be in­ter­view­ing some­one spe­cial next week who gained plenty of in­sight through ex­pe­ri­enc­ing this in rather a pub­lic way.

Hear more in my new pod­cast, “Is this love?”. Tune in each Fri­day morn­ing to my co­host of the ra­dio Salt106.5 break­fast show and head to my web­site to down­load my “Spouse it up” handy re­la­tion­ship tips. In the mean­time, keep con­tribut­ing your chal­lenges on this topic to [email protected]­con­fi­dan­te­coun­

Joanne Wil­son is a neu­ropsy­chother­a­pist, re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist, work­shop fa­cil­i­ta­tor and guest speaker. Con­tact www.the­con­fi­dan­te­coun­


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