I bumped into my­self

I bumped into my­self Words and photo by Katie Lit­tle Sooner or later, all of us will have to ac­count for our­selves, and our­selves alone. We won’t be able to med­i­cate or buy our way out, be­come worka­holics or al­co­holics – that itch that we just haven’t qu

Living Now - - Contents - by Katie Lit­tle

Sooner or later, all of us will have to ac­count for our­selves, and our­selves alone. We won’t be able to med­i­cate or buy our way out, be­come worka­holics or al­co­holics – that itch that we just haven’t quite been able to scratch is not go­ing to go away. This piece is a re­minder to all of us that the best things, the sim­plest things, in life are free.

I BUMPED INTO my­self just the other day. I said, “Hey! Re­mem­ber me? Let’s hook up, let’s play! Let’s get down and dirty, like we did be­fore we grew up, turned thirty… Re­mem­ber? “

You looked at me blank-faced, “Don’t you recog­nise me?”, I said. “We used to be mates…?”

Have you got so busy that you can’t re­turn my call? Have you moved up in the world, for­got­ten you knew me at all? We used to just sit in the gar­den to­gether, dig in the sand­pit, look for snails or a feather… Breathe in the still­ness, en­joy the pass­ing of time, no­tice the de­tails, the hid­den sublime.

“I’m still here wait­ing”, I said. “I won’t hold a grudge. You can tell me ev­ery­thing. I prom­ise, I won’t gos­sip or judge.”

Let’s pick up where we left off, our big plans and grand ideas. No lim­its or ex­pec­ta­tions, no hes­i­ta­tion, no fears. When we lived in the mo­ment, with­out thought or care. Hey! Re­mem­ber teenage aban­don! When life was a dare? When you raged at the ocean and played in the moon­light, built camp­fires and cas­tles and fought the good fight.

I hate to in­sult you, but you’re not get­ting younger! Surely you can’t have for­got­ten the things that piqued your hunger? Would you take me se­ri­ously if I dressed up in black, car­ried a scep­tre and jumped on your back? Re­lax!! That’s a joke. I don’t mean to get heavy, but what­ever – I’ll take it, get pas­sion­ate, get an­gry. Don’t lie down and take it, you need to fight for a bit. Some­times you have to punch harder or you’ll get smacked up and hit. You might turn your head but I’ll al­ways be here, hid­den away in your mind with the things that you fear… I see all the things that you do, with com­pas­sion. I love you whether you’re in or out of fash­ion. I’m the you that was here be­fore you were born, the ‘con­scious­ness col­lec­tive’ who turned up at dawn. Let’s get back to the mo­ment when we had noth­ing to do. Back when I was just me and you – just you. n

Katie Lit­tle can sum up her child­hood in two words: not av­er­age, not least be­cause her mother is Aus­tralian icon Jeanne Lit­tle. She is work­ing on a memoir and writes about par­ent­hood, re­la­tion­ships and stay­ing sane in an in­sane world.

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