5 ways to rekindle love in your relationship
There’s a magical alchemy in simple bonding gestures such as eye contact, smiling, touching, a loving tone of voice, stroking, kissing and cuddling. They can rekindle love in a natural way, even if you thought your relationship was high and dry.
Couples naturally engage in these natural gestures of love when they first come together. After time, with busy schedules, these can fall away in any relationship and become either absent or far less frequent. What happens is that the brain and body read bonding gestures as signals for feeling safe and getting closer. When one feels safe, the body relaxes. When the body relaxes, more love can flow. The body is wired for it.
Once the body reads it is safe, glands secrete the right hormones, blood starts flowing to areas that have been constricted, and hearts start to open. The trick is to bring these gestures into your relating consciously, MAKE THE TIME for it. Any of these gestures can take one minute – a loving smile, a light touch, a gentle kiss, a sweet acknowledgement. Sounds simple. The effect is cumulative however; so just doing them once won’t cut it. It’s good to note also that sexual arousal is a parasympathetic (relaxation) activity; whereas the actual drive to ramp things up sexually invokes the body’s sympathetic nerves – the nerves that trigger the fight or flight response. So keeping things calmer and slower in the bedroom for more relaxed intimacy will deeply enhance love and trust – and you will feel replenished and enlivened afterwards; not drained. One simple soothing remedy for browbeaten couples is to practise conscious snuggling on a daily basis. Some resist this closeness because the mind reads this as an expectation for sex. If that’s the case, make an agreement that these ‘snuggle times’ are just for enhancing the bond, growing the love. Make other times for lovemaking.
As you go to bed and as you wake, consciously lie together snuggling – spooning, one behind the other or facing each other, breathing in and out of your heart area. Or lie together for 5, 10 or 20 minutes any time of the day. It will do wonders to soothe, relax and rekindle love and trust automatically, letting the body itself be the true alchemist of love. n
Janet Mcgeever and her partner, Gene Thompson, are the authorised Australian presenters of The Making Love Retreat, as created by Diana Richardson, the pioneer of the Slow Sex movement and author of the book and movie Slow Sex. Janet is also Elizabeth’s guest at a luncheon for women in Melbourne city, 10th April, 2016.