Love, sex and sex­u­al­ity

“For one hu­man be­ing to love an­other; that is per­haps the most dif­fi­cult of all our tasks, the ul­ti­mate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but prepa­ra­tion.” [Rainer Maria Rilke]

Living Now - - Contents - by Diane Mccann

Awoman has her ten­nis rac­quet and she serves the ball with rage, over to her part­ner, “I hate you, you never lis­ten to me” she cries. “I do lis­ten, you just never let up.” he says, as he uses his rac­quet to slam the ball back to her. This match con­tin­ues and per­haps ends in ‘love,’ un­for­tu­nately, not the love they started with. In the be­gin­ning cou­ples fall in love, wear won­der­ful rose coloured glasses and see the best in each other. Some­how over the years, the love seems to dis­ap­pear and the glasses get foggy.

There are 4 stages to re­la­tion­ships. Suc­cess­ful ones move through these stages se­quen­tially. spend­ing dif­fer­ent amounts of time in any given stage. They are: At­trac­tion, Power Strug­gle, Co-op­er­a­tion and Syn­ergy and it’s in the syn­ergy that cou­ples dis­cover un­der­stand­ing of a power greater than that of each in­di­vid­ual. The re­sult of this is to­tal com­mit­ment, in­ti­macy, mu­tual trust, em­pow­er­ment and ease. So let’s dis­sect the ti­tle! LOVE… that pre­cious feel­ing we all de­sire to feel. “Love at first sight” is a com­mon theme for many. If you be­lieve in rein­car­na­tion then, yes, you doubtlessly have been with that per­son be­fore, but many times those karmic soul-mate re­la­tion­ships are ex­cru­ci­at­ingly painful!

Real Love doesn’t hap­pen overnight, it takes years to grow into its fullest blos­som­ing. Lust is the en­tree and once the rose col­ored glasses come off then comes the main course can be any­thing from bore­dom to ap­a­thy with the re­sult­ing pas­sion dwin­dling down to a weekly, monthly, bi-an­nu­ally love mak­ing “be­cause we “should”. Love grows best in a soil of will­ing­ness to de­velop and change with the sea­sons... The courtship, the hon­ey­moon, the set­tling in/down, the par­ent­ing, where women nest and nur­ture and sex is of­ten not high on their agenda whereas for men it’s gen­er­ally up there at the top of the list!

Work­ing through the pain of job losses, fi­nan­cial dilem­mas, par­ents ag­ing/dy­ing, health crises... That is love at its high­est oc­tave. I’m sure you’ve heard the story of the old man who vis­its his wife who has Alzheimer’s. When a nurse asked: “Why do you come every day, be­cause she doesn’t even know you

“For one hu­man be­ing to love an­other; that is per­haps the most dif­fi­cult of all our tasks, the ul­ti­mate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but prepa­ra­tion.”

any­more?” He an­swers “I un­der­stand that, but I know who SHE is!”

Love is some­thing that needs work­ing on every day, oth­er­wise like an aban­doned, un­cleaned li­brary, full of wis­dom and hu­mor and knowl­edge, the shelves and books be­come dusty with grime and even­tu­ally you can’t read what’s in them! Peo­ple work out at the gym, yoga, Pi­lates - of­ten daily! Yet that mus­cle of the heart rarely gets a good work­out and eas­ily at­ro­phies. SEX con­jures up two peo­ple romp­ing about, pas­sion high, naked, sweat­ing bod­ies gy­rat­ing in tune with the en­ergy of de­sire un­til or­gasm lulls them to sleep. Fun but not deeply sat­is­fy­ing on a pri­mal level and ul­ti­mately bor­ing (more so for women). Un­less men and women have some un­der­stand­ing of anatomy and their own bod­ies, un­less they know what turns them on and what that looks like and feels like, then rarely does or­di­nary sex be­come a yearn­ing to be en­er­get­i­cally and sex­u­ally con­nected to your beloved… a feel­ing that lasts for­ever. Tantric sex on the other hand comes from the premise of in­ti­macy, of slow move­ment, of­ten of still­ness. It seeks to awaken the ar­mor we have all placed around our gen­i­tals from times when we’ve been pen­e­trated too hard, said yes to sex in­stead of no, when we weren’t re­ally ready (women) or for men when we made love to please an­other, when we re­ally would have loved to have been held but that is not “manly” enough or when we were anx­ious about our per­for­mance.

So we have the fore­play which is rarely enough to make a woman fully ready.... Maybe she is wet but that isn’t enough. The stats on women who fake or­gasm or who sim­ply don’t or­gasm are hor­ri­fy­ingly high. Then there’s the in­creas­ing use of porn to stim­u­late. Throw in ex­tra mar­i­tal

There are 4 stages to re­la­tion­ships. Suc­cess­ful ones move through these stages se­quen­tially. spend­ing dif­fer­ent amounts of time in any given stage.

af­fairs that of­ten lead to di­vorce and it’s not a pretty pic­ture.

What trans­forms sex from the mun­dane to the mag­i­cal is in­ti­macy, a spir­i­tual con­nec­tion where the woman has time to get out of her busy head and into her yoni (vagina) and men have time to draw their en­ergy up from their Lingam (pe­nis) into their heart. Then we are mak­ing magic hap­pen every sin­gle time from the heart and to the heart, with or with­out or­gasm. Tantra re­quires prac­tice which is why so few peo­ple bother to learn it but once learned it is to­tally trans­for­ma­tive for all re­la­tion­ships.

SEX­U­AL­ITY is some­thing we are not gen­er­ally taught is a safe thing to em­body. Ad­ver­tis­ing por­trays sex­u­al­ity as the red lip­stick, pouty lips, low cut tops, perky breasts jut­ting out tan­ta­liz­ingly, sexy lin­gerie, a per­fect bikini body or a toned pair of bi­ceps or a 6 pack on a naked torso with low slung jeans. How­ever, sex­u­al­ity is not some­thing you can buy from a shop (or a gym). It’s more than the la­bel you give your­self. It’s an in­her­ent feel­ing deep in your core self - a con­nec­tion to that place where plea­sure re­sides (ev­ery­where from an ear lobe to a big toe and places in be­tween). It’s in the breath, the touch, the con­scious awak­en­ing of the cells of the body and it comes with time and work­ing on one­self to re­move the bar­ri­ers of fear and con­di­tion­ing. Sur­ren­der­ing to feel­ings un­til they rip­ple through cells like waves in the ocean. It grows slowly with the con­fi­dence of self love, self ac­cep­tance and a will­ing­ness to be all that you can be… for your­self.

Bring­ing it all to­gether

Love is the soft yummy stuff but also the hard stuff that hap­pens in re­la­tion­ships that brings us closer, the pain, the sad­ness, the con­fu­sion, the fear and the work­ing through it. Start with your­self and love you first. If you can only love you 60% then that’s all you will let in from out­side. Do some work on your own pat­terns so you don’t recre­ate them in re­la­tion­ships! Sex - take it to the next level by de­cod­ing your be­liefs around it, take love mak­ing to the next level by read­ing books or do­ing a course. Ed­u­cate your­self about your body. Learn to com­mu­ni­cate what you de­sire, what works, what doesn’t. Sex­u­al­ity - feel safe enough to be will­ing to re­ally em­body it, al­low it to fill every cell know­ing it is a gift and through these things create a deep in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship that al­lows the di­vine fem­i­nine and the di­vine mas­cu­line to live their au­then­tic selves. n

It grows slowly with the con­fi­dence of self love, self ac­cep­tance and a will­ing­ness to be all that you can be… for your­self.

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