The Procession To Calvary
A funny thing happened on the way to kill a king
$3.99 From Joe Richardson Games, joerichardson.games
Made for iPhone, iPad, iPod touch Needs iOS 9.0 or later
The settings menu sets the tone. Along with music and SFX volume levels, there’s an option for a monk to blow a raspberry. Check the box, and that’s exactly what you get. The Procession To Calvary is a point–and–click adventure made from bits of Renaissance paintings, and much like some of its source material, it’s completely unhinged.
It probably helps if you’re familiar with the animations Terry Gilliam produced for Monty Python, but it’s fun to jump into even if you’re not. A holy war is over, but your character is a warrior who really likes killing. She gets permission from the
new pacifist ruler to commit one more murder — of the king who lost the war — and sets off on a journey involving fetch quests, surreal conversations, and bits where she waves her sword and kills people, in order to do it.
Along the way she meets Jesus, naked wrestlers, the Girl With A Pearl Earring, demons, lions, and lots of poor peasants having horrible things done to them. There are puzzles that don’t tax the brain too much, but the best bits are the descriptions and dialog — it’s worth exhausting every one of them.
Humor is a very personal thing, but The Procession To Calvary is consistent in its application and absolutely gorgeous to look at thanks to all that cut–out art. It’s also very crude, profanity–laden, probably offensive to some, and a must– play for others.
THE BOTTOM LINE. Surreal, rude, and completely charming. A point–and– click triumph. IAN EVENDEN
EXCELLENT