The real reasons behind my kicking yips
AS a man who used to struggle in front of the big sticks at times I’ve always felt an affinity for Travis Cloke and so I was rapt to see him kick seven goals without a miss for Collingwood on Monday. It looks like he’s settled on a routine now and it’s paying dividends.
During my career I tried everything to improve my goalkicking. I wore headphones at training to try to recreate the noise of a crowd. I set up cones to make sure my run up was straight. I even had people writing me letters saying I should bring back the place kick.
But after 17 years of everyone taking potshots I found the most important thing to have up my sleeve when I was struggling to kick straight was this — an excuse.
I’m writing this with tongue firmly planted in cheek (sometimes all you can do is laugh) but here are some of the more creative reasons I used to explain my poor goalkicking over the years.
1. INJURIES
AFTER my first couple of seasons in the AFL, Richmond brought champion Tigers goalkicker Michael Roach down to the club to work with me. That year we didn’t even kick at the goals in training we just kicked up and down a straight line. It seemed to pay off as I began the 1995 season by kicking 27 goals and just three behinds — which for the record is the most accurate season anyone who has taken 30 or more shots has ever had. Clearly I had it all figured out and wouldn’t you know it, I did my knee! The next season I was more focused on getting my knee right and didn’t concentrate on the goal kicking enough. Or so I’d have you believe.
2. CONDITIONS
I ALWAYS copped plenty from the media and the fans but the worst it probably ever got was after I kicked 1.6 — and another that hit the behind post — in Round 1 against Collingwood in 2003. But there were extenuating circumstances. It was the first game at the MCG after the Ponsford Stand had been pulled down and I was the first poor bastard who had to contend with the wind coming through the gap. So I had an excuse that night as well.
3. UMPIRES
You expected to cop it from the opposition players when you were lining up for goal but there was one day I remember at Subiaco where I took a mark just before half-time in a close game. We needed a goal to give us a bit of momentum and just as I was starting to line up there was a blood rule and a bit of a hold up while a player left the ground. While I’m standing there the umpire, Darren Goldspink, was standing with me waiting to tell me when to take my shot. To my disbelief he said ‘Geez this is a big kick, Richo. You can’t afford to miss this one’. I just looked at him and said ‘I don’t need you telling me as well, Darren’. I missed the shot at goal, naturally. Even the umpires were reminding me I wasn’t the greatest kick at goal.
4. THE GOALPOSTS
I seem to be a bit of a lone voice on this one but I swear the height of the goalposts affects goal kicking. It’s been about 10 years since the AFL made the goalposts higher after a couple of contentious decisions — most memorably Anthony Rocca’s shot in the 2002 Grand Final that he swore was a goal. I honestly believe the taller goalposts make the gap between them look narrower. I said it on air one night and I had a professor from a university write to me and back me up. I swear it’s true.
5. STATISTICS
They say you can find a statistic to suit any argument and this is proof. Bernie Quinlan was known as “Superboot” during his career. The Fitzroy champion kicked at 57 per cent (817 goals 612 behinds). I was the worst kick of all-time and I went at 59 per cent (800 goals 551 behinds). I think I may have benefited from the fact no one kept statistics for kicking the ball out of bounds on the full but let’s keep that between us.
This article first appeared on news.com.au