THE STARS CAR CRASH THAT WENT FROM BAD TO WORSE

WHEN a team has all 10 wickets at its disposal with only 53 runs required off 43 balls in a Twenty20 game — and loses — well, questions must be asked about the game’s legitimacy. Let’s be dinkum here. If this were the Dubai Stars v Sharjah Warriors, every media outlet in the world would be questioning whether there was a fix.

When Marcus Stoinis was bowled by a Cameron Boyce slider in the Big Bash decider at Docklands on Sunday, he departed the ground with the score at 1-93.

But it wasn’t so much his dismissal that reflected the overwhelmingly confident attitude of his team’s fellow leaders/ incoming batters, it was the smugness in body language and response when answering questions from the respective TV broadcasters boundary riders.

Handscomb out. A woeful slog off one of the premier fast men in the country. Embarrassing — 2-0.

Dunk out. A disturbing lack of awareness to the situation of the game that required composure and the ball never leaving the surface of Docklands Stadium. He was caught at long off trying to hit 53 off one ball — 3-6.

Maxwell out. Dropped in his first few balls, he failed to learn the lesson that balls running along the carpet will minimise your chances of being dismissed.

Remarkably, he too tried to score all 50 remaining runs off one ball. Awfully silly — 4-6.

From there, panic had the middle to lower order crumbling its way to the most successful capitulation in BBL history, and perhaps Australian sporting history: 5-15, 6-15, 7-19 off just 30 balls.

And a 13-run loss to the Melbourne Renegades.

As you read this, Al Jazeera’s investigative unit are scattering themselves throughout Melbourne, hiding in cupboards, waiting in trees, posing as street sweepers in the hope of catching out conversations between bookmakers and Melbourne Stars players. The trap has been set. Of course, I am being cheeky here. Nothing of the sort is going on. Our BBL and international stars make so much money that they don’t need to fix games. It’s why when I played for the Delhi Daredevils in the IPL I truly expected to be approached by a bookie for info or to attempt a fix.

Think about it. I was the lowestpaid player in that tournament. Offer that guy $200k to bowl a noball and he’s going to consider it more than the fat cat who has just signed on for $US1.8 million.

Although, if you watched the game where I bowled four overs for 54, it would have been fair for you to think that I was profiting financially from that performance via corruption.

In fact, I’d rather you think that than know that I was literally shaking when bowling to Sanath Jayasuriya and Sachin Tendulkar on the back of two hours’ sleep, no training for a month and vodka seeping from the pores of my brow and into my mouth as I ran into bowl. It should have been me licking my lips, not Sanath and Sachin.

Yep, like the Stars, I was just shit.