WHO YOU MAY NEED ON YOUR TEAM
Knowing what kind of help is available, you can decide if getting any advice in your circumstances would make things clearer. Start creating and preparing your team, although you may not need to call on anyone early in the process – or at all. It is your choice.
Family counsellors
I start by mentioning a family counsellor for the reason that, in my experience, not only is it the most used service, but it is also unbelievably valuable. A family counsellor can be used to help you through the process of separating, talk to the kids, work on your communication, assist in co-parenting advice … the list is endless. In addition to looking at a counsellor just for you, a family counsellor or participation in specific separation or communication courses are invaluable. If you haven’t needed it initially, you may benefit now.
I have had many clients who were almost unable to talk to each other, and who were so focused on their difficult conversations that they couldn’t move forward. I urge you to get this sorted first. Sometimes it takes time to get you and your ex-partner ready to move on. Although you might be seeing a counsellor yourself, a joint session with a family counsellor can assist greatly with moving on and communication; they are also great to help you get your emotions in check and to allow you to be able to focus on solutions.
I recently had a couple who were in the negotiation phase and they were just not getting anywhere. I soon realised that it appeared the reason they were not agreeing was emotional and not practical.
They had a few sessions with my family counsellor, and within a few weeks they were both looking at things differently and were able to move forward into their negotiations. I think there was just a lack of communication, a little disrespect and emotions that were stopping them from being practical. The transformation after the sessions was huge.
Financial planners
They sit in the same category as counsellors. They are very useful in negotiations to help work out the best scenario for couples. If your finances are more complicated than just a house and a car, then it may be worthwhile sitting down with a financial planner and getting some really good advice. Again, in a collaborative mediation setting, I use the planner to assist in coming up with solutions that create a positive outcome for both parties using the assets they have together to ensure a secure future ahead.
Accountants
Who totally understands their current financial position? What assets you have, your taxable income and any taxation obligations? Some do, but there are some who really don’t.
An accountant can help here. If you don’t have an accountant and you have questions, make an appointment and get some advice.
An accountant is so useful in helping you work out a property settlement. Often in my collaborative mediation settings I work with the party’s accountant, and they help with valuing assets and working out more complicated lists of assets.
Another reason I would suggest you may get advice could be to consider any taxation consequences for selling or transferring assets. Even if you are not sure yet what you are thinking of doing, talk to your accountant so you know what you may need to consider, and have them briefed and ready to help you when you need to call them with any questions.
Brokers and bankers
A broker or banker is someone who can help open some new doors or help you explore some options. Is it one of your goals to stay in the family home? Buy a new home? Not sure? Are you thinking that it might be an option that you sell the family home?
A mortgage broker can help you assess your position and tell you what your lending capacity is. Set up a meeting with your bank or your broker and ask them about this. They will be able to go through this with you based on your budget and monthly income, and establish what amount you may or may not be able to borrow. This is so important. If you have to buy a new home, you really need to know that a bank will actually lend you the money.
Remember, there are always other options. If your bank won’t approve you on your own, perhaps you have someone who could assist as a guarantor or provide other security to help you out? Definitely have a talk to your lender or broker to explore all options.
Legal advisers
I have purposely left the lawyers to last. As you may have already gathered, although I am a lawyer myself, I believe that our role, while vital, is not always required at this step. The best thing we lawyers can do initially is fill your minds with information and options, and guide you in the right direction.
Research and advice are often a key element to making sure you can reach a valid, fair and equitable agreement. Make sure you select a lawyer who has a wealth of family law knowledge, who is not litigious and has your best interests at heart. One who can give you all the options. Why not interview them? Make sure they fit the bill and tick all of your boxes.
You need to make sure you understand what they are saying. They should have an outstanding capacity to communicate with you.
I would also suggest that the virtues of honesty and tough love are important. The lawyer’s role is to advise you but also to make sure they are not just telling you what you want to hear.
Be realistic about your budget. Ask questions as to costs and timeframes. You will need to make sure you can afford the advice you are asking for. It would be a good idea to even seek a free or initial fixed-price consultation to talk about your concerns. Make sure all options are explained to you, then you can choose when you need to engage a lawyer.
My final tip: find a kind lawyer. There are so many brilliant lawyers, and they are amazing litigators. In family law, however, we need to solve a people problem, not just a legal problem. Find a lawyer who is kind and compassionate and who cares about both you and your ex-partner. There are a lot out there.