ALLISON DUBOIS
A SAVING CHILDREN FROM BEING PAWNS IN A DIVORCE A
QI am a long-time nanny of a family that has gone through a rough breakup. I thought we were through the worst of it but the youngest child is really not coping well and had a breakdown recently. Will the child get past this? Do you see it affecting them in the future?
Melissa, via email. Melissa, divorce is never easy and yes, the children are affected. How a child copes usually hinges on how the parents treat one another. If they use the kids as pawns, it only hurts the children. If the parents are amicable and treat each other with respect, it gives the children a sense of security and is much more harmonious for everyone. Being a child of divorce myself, I can say that although you can’t help being affected, you move through it more easily when you have plenty of distracting activities. I took out my angst on the skating rink seven days a week – sport gave me a healthy outlet.
Family counselling could really benefit all of them, so they have a mediator for diplomacy, and the children have a therapist echoing the voices of the children. This is a free-will issue: if the parents choose to do what’s in the best interest of the children, they’ll be fine. If the parents decide to be selfish and serve themselves, then the kids will pay the price.
QI am considering gastric sleeve surgery in the new year. I feel this is my last option for a happy, fulfilling life but, of course, I am apprehensive about the consequences. Can you please guide me in the right direction to take?
Joane, via email. Joane, that’s a big step towards feeling healthy again. If you’re confident in your doctor and their success rate, I would go for it!
Anything in life comes with a risk. Driving is a risk, not wearing sunscreen is a risk, these days even eating outside on a restaurant patio is a risk.
Sometimes, we have to make difficult choices to better our lives. Close your eyes and ask yourself, does this feel right to me? The decision is yours alone, but my sense is that the surgery will help to give you your confidence back, while returning you to an active lifestyle.
QAre some people meant to be alone? I meet men and believe we get along well, but then they stop all contact. What am I doing wrong?
Kerryn, via email. Kerryn, I don’t think people who want a partner are meant to be alone. I don’t sense that you’re doing anything wrong; the men that you date may not be looking for the same long-lasting relationship that you are. Do you talk about marriage on the first date? Or kids? Sometimes those topics can scare a man away.
There are dating websites that match like-minded people – maybe that will help you to narrow the dating pool. Guys want what most of us do: a funny, intelligent person with a nice smile and a big heart. Chemistry is a different story, it’s either there or it’s not. Keep kissing the frogs, you’ll find your prince.