ALLISON DUBOIS

POSITIVITY IS IMPORTANT TO GET THROUGH LIFE’S TOUGH BATTLES

QI have been unwell for the last three years and have just been diagnosed with a rare disease that’s treatable with new drugs. I’d previously made plans to travel overseas. Do you see this still happening? I have had a couple of serious health scares in the last decade or so and I feel like I’m being tested for some reason. It’s hard to stay positive.

J, via email.

AJ, I’m sorry for your health scares. I’m not a doctor, but what I do know is that exercise, eating healthily and meditation for mental wellness can assist in getting you to where you want to be. Positivity will be very important in helping to get you through your battle. My sense is that you need more than one doctor’s opinion, so I hope you have done that. It’s important to get plenty of information about your state of health to help you make decisions about your treatments. Find your faith and pray for guidance.

QI lost my husband last April. I wonder if he is happy where he is and also if he has forgiven me for putting him into care. I miss him so much – is he missing me?

Val, via email.

AVal, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your husband is in a place of contentment and bliss. He’s reliving all of the best days of his life, including days the two of you shared. A great misconception that the living have is that the dying get angry at us for needing additional help such as in a hospice. So rest assured, your husband is not angry with you. He’s more likely to be worried about whether you’re finding a way to feel happy again. He gets to see you every day, but he will miss making new memories with you. When you wake up, remember that every day is a good day, because it’s a day closer to seeing your husband again. You’re moving towards him, not away from him. Talk to him about things you still want to do and places you want to go. He wants to watch you live!

QMy mother is controlling and doesn’t want me to be happy. Me and my partner are happy but my mum is getting in the way of everything and anything. I know I’m 19, but I feel trapped in every way possible. My grandfather died and I know he’s been looking out for me; I feel his presence most of the time. Is he angry at my mum? Every time she’s around I get goosebumps.

Anon, via email.

AAnon, sometimes mothers have trouble letting go of their babies. I know you’re 19, but you’ll always be her baby, that’s just how a mother’s love is. I promise that you will get to make your own decisions and lead your own life. You’ll do that for most of your life. Come up with an adult plan: your higher education, a job, getting your own place... the more that you act like an adult the more likely she will treat you like one. My sense is that your mum has abandonment issues. She also doesn’t completely trust men and expects that your boyfriend will let you down. Your grandfather would want you to conquer the world so make him proud. He will guide you.

HAVE A QUESTION FOR ALLISON? Email destiny@newidea.com.au