ALLISON DUBOIS

WHEN YOU ARE READY, FAMILY WILL GIVE SIGNS, SAYS ALLISON

QI sadly lost my precious daughter unexpectedly and suddenly on Christmas Day 2015. She was a wonderful daughter to me and a beautiful mother to her young son, who I now help care for. I miss her presence in my everyday life so very much and I wish I could feel her around me at times. Does she leave me any signs that she is here or watching over me and her son, and does she know how much we all miss her and love her? Thank you.

Christine, via email

AChristine, I’m so sorry that you are enduring the pain involved with losing a child. Your daughter is with you and her son daily. She hears how much you love and miss her.

I’m sure that having your grandson with you allows you to feel like you’re holding on to a piece of your daughter.

I know that your daughter is comforted knowing that you’re together. When you lose somebody that you loved so much, that a part of you dies with them, you become blocked by pain. It’s not that she’s not there, you just can’t feel her because in your heart you still can’t believe that she’s gone.

She’ll reach you through other people to let you know that’s she’s OK, until she can get through to you. Signs are very personal. Keep talking to her, let her know you look forward to a ‘visit’ with her and for her to keep trying to reach you.

QI have just reconciled with my mother after many years apart. I was hurt very badly by her and after talking to her three different times I am starting to think that I am going to be hurt again. The same things are being said. Do I just have to say I cannot accept it and we can start with respect? Or should I just not see her.?

Very sad daughter, via email

AIt is so unfortunate when family members says hurtful things.

Your mum is probably pretty set in her ways at this stage in her life. If your mother has shown a pattern of saying the same hurtful things over and over, it’s unlikely that she’ll change on her own.

Have you considered family counselling as a last-ditch effort? A mediator can be helpful in sorting out messy family issues.

If your mum continues being toxic you have two choices.

You can continue to let her hurt you or, you can say a prayer wishing her well and move on.

QAfter many years of ill health my beloved husband passed over, my own health now is not good. Will my children ever resolve their problems and allow me to find peace in my declining years

Esmeralda, via email

AEsmeralda, your children are grown, let them worry about their problems. Close your wallet and take their problems with a grain of salt.

You gave your children life – if they choose to waste their lives with petty nonsense then that’s on them. No one can make your life easier except for you. You can choose to be happy and do all of the things in the world that your heart desires, or you can get caught up in your kids’ drama and stay mired in their problems.

Do yourself a favour – make a bucket list and spend your days checking off all of the things you always wanted to do.