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SOLUTIONS FOR SINGLES, OLD FRIENDS, NEW FRIENDS – OUR RESIDENT AGONY AUNT NENE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS!
Q I’ve been married for almost two years but both my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law are still very possessive of my husband and give me a really hard time whenever we meet. I’m now at the point where I can’t even see the point in trying to have a relationship with them. They seem to dislike the way I stand up for myself and speak my mind. They are always badmouthing me to my husband and want to sabotage my marriage. Should I give up attempting to win them around? LEAH, VIA EMAIL. A They sound like the relatives from hell . It’s time your husband pulled them into line. What’s their problem? Are they jealous or just mean spirited? Whatever is at the root of this unpleasantness it is not up to you to attempt to win them over. They should be civilised and welcoming. It’s a pity your husband passes on the fact they badmouth you – doesn’t help the relationship. I would keep your distance and refuse to socialise with them if they are going to be disagreeable. Don’t change. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself. They just want you to be seen and not heard. Your husband needs to tell his mother and sister to be respectful to you and to stop making you feel uncomfortable in their presence. They may be possessive of him but he is your husband – and his mother and sister should accept you as part of the family.
Q I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about three years and wanted to ask her to marry me. Before I do I want to reveal a secret I’ve kept from her that I like to dress up in women’s clothes. I’m afraid that once she finds out she’ll drop me. I’m not gay and don’t dress up to attract men – its usually in the privacy of my home. Once I tell my girlfriend it can’t be taken back and I’m afraid she’ll hate me. I’m the same person whether I’m wearing a football jersey or an evening gown. I don’t want to lose my girlfriend but I want to be allowed to play. DANNY, VIA EMAIL.
A This is not going to be easy, but you must tell your girlfriend. You love her and don’t want to lose her. Hopefully she will accept your idiosyncrasy. The strongest relationships are mutually supportive. Not only do you care about the other person but you are genuinely excited when they are excited, you’re genuinely happy when they are happy, and you encourage them to grow as you grow. The above words are to help you sit down with your girlfriend and tell her you love her but there are times you feel like dressing up in women’s clothes. You are not out to embarrass her and probably will play dress-ups only at home. Because you have this quirky behaviour does not mean you are gay. You must be honest with her before you set a wedding date. I hope she proves to be understanding.
Q There’s a big age group between my boyfriend and I. I’m 29 and he is 47. People often mistake him for my father when we go out to dinner or on a weekend away. My family have started making jokes about the relationship too – they seem to think it is a topic of amusement but I find it really hurtful. My partner seems to brush it off but it’s beginning to get to me. Do we just have to ride it out? ZOE, VIA EMAIL.
A Appearances are deceptive. Your partner may look older than you but you are in a proper loving relationship. You have nothing to prove. Your family should hang their heads in shame and be delighted you are happy. Making jokes about the relationship is uncalled for and you should tell them to cut it out. You have chosen this man and the age difference is irrelevant. Tell the family their snide remarks are hurtful and you do not appreciate their jokes. Should they continue don’t socialise with them. Your partner may brush off the jokes but it must be uncomfortable for you. Your family should accept this man in good grace.