HOW TO BE A CALMER PARENT
Most of us have times when we lose our cool. Suddenly parenting becomes overwhelming and we yell at our kids or slam the door. While anger is generally quickly replaced by regret, those outbursts can be distressing for our kids and lead to long-term anxiety or aggression. So what can we do manage our anger?
GIVE YOURSELF A TIMEOUT Taking time to cool down isn’t just for kids. Giving yourself some distance from your toddler’s tantrum or your argumentative teenager, is a key step in regaining control of your emotions. Whether you take some deep breaths, cry or meditate, stepping away from a tense situation helps everyone.
IS IT MORE IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY OR RIGHT? Often we engage in arguments because we want to prove a point but family counsellor Monica Foley says choosing to be happy over winning every heated discussion will make you more relaxed and life more enjoyable.
FOCUS ON THE BIGGER PICTURE Your child may leave their towel on the bathroom floor or forget to unpack their lunch box but if you knew something terrible was going to happen next week would those small errors matter?
REMEMBER CHILDREN ARE CHILDREN When kids do silly things or they’re tired or uncooperative remember this truism: childhood is preparation for life, it’s not life.
NOTICE YOUR ANGER Instead of mindlessly reacting to your frustration, Monica advises taking a minute to examine it. What does it feel like? Where is it coming from in your body? “By disengaging from your anger, you can gain a different perspective and weaken your negative emotions,” she says.
CONSIDER WHY Most kids behave in a challenging way for one of six reasons, according to Dr Justin Coulson. He says hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness, stress or sickness are generally to blame. If you pause to consider why your child is being difficult, you may be able to bypass your ire.
USE A MANTRA Mantras can help with all sorts of issues but Justin says his clients have found that repeating the mantra, “calm and kind, calm and kind” helps parents reduce their anger.
IMAGINE THEY’RE SOMEONE ELSE’S KIDS We’d never yell at or threaten other people’s children so if you need a quick method for dialling down your anger, imagine you’re dealing with a friend’s kids.
OWN YOUR ANGER When you’ve let your anger boil over, rather than trying to forget it, deal with it head on. Perhaps say to your child: “I’m disappointed you lied but I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry.” It’s important for kids to know adults get it wrong.
“I’LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST AUDITION AFTER MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN. I NAILED IT BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GET HOME TO MY BABY AND IT CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE ON MY CAREER, ON THE WORLD, ON WHO I WAS.” Steve Carell, actor and father-of-two.