WHEN LOVED ONES PASS THEY ARE STILL IN OUR DAILY LIVES

Q

My mum is an incredible woman. She has experienced much heartache. She was led to believe that when her father passed his land would be divided equally between her and her sister, with my aunt keeping the family home and its contents. However, when he passed several years ago the will had been changed and my mum was to get less than five per cent of the estate. My aunt denied knowledge of this and refused to discuss possible outcomes. Her deceit destroyed us all. Was our grandfather (her father) coerced, and did he realise the hurt that would follow? He would be devastated about how badly Mum has been treated. Trish, via email.

A

Trish, I’m so sorry that your family’s been divided by greed. If your aunt truly didn’t know the will was changed and wanted to be fair she could give your mum more than the will stipulates. No-one’s stopping her from doing that. No doubt, your grandfather didn’t know what he was signing. Unfortunately, this happens too often to the elderly/sick.

Their state of mind is taken advantage of by family members. I regularly bring through the deceased who mention their belongings not going to the people they wanted to have them; it’s sad. Your aunt will one day have to answer for what she did, so people should be careful when playing with someone’s last wishes. All I can say to your mum is her father loves her and he sees what she’s going through. The love he has for her is without end and he will find a way to let her know he’s still with her. I wish your family peace of mind.

Q

I am 78 years old and struggling with a big why? My stepdaughters stopped talking to my terminally ill husband and me for 16 months. Then with my encouragement there was a reconciliation. Within a few weeks they took him from our home where I’d been caring for him and put him in a nursing home with his agreement.

The next week I was served papers saying we were legally separated and demanding a property settlement as soon as possible. This went through last year and he passed away five months ago. I’m struggling to move on and would like to know why? Was it, as I suspect, about money?

Jill, via email.

A

Jill, I’m shocked that the law would side with his daughters after over a year of not seeing their ailing father. They pulled off quite the power play – they wanted to control the father they felt chose you over them. And, yes, they wanted the money. What a petty motive; however, it is a very real one. I’m sure in hindsight you wish that you hadn’t extended an olive branch to them.

Moving forward, it’s best that you focus on your own wellbeing and savouring the rest of your life. Write down everything your stepdaughters did that bothered you on a piece of paper and burn it; let it go. Your stepdaughters can’t take the love or memories that you shared with their father away from you. Your time together was priceless. I’m sure that your husband will be waiting for you when your day comes and the two of you will have a lot of catching up to do.