KNOW FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS WITH YOU, AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF

QBefore Christmas, my partner and I found our best mate deceased at home. We are shattered as he was a big part of our lives. He was to be married this year and I know he would be upset this happened. Is he OK and is he watching his fiancee? We are worried about her. Thank you. Heather, via email.

AHeather, that is so incredibly sad. When young people die, they need time to come to terms with the fact that they’re no longer part of the physical world. They follow the people they love around trying to let them know they’re still here. The deceased put a lot of energy into reaching their loved ones – this becomes easier as time passes. Your friend’s fiancee will struggle, both dealing with her pain and the fear that the people she loves will leave her. It would help her to join a grief support group. Your best mate sees what all of you are going through. He’s already been met by his deceased loved ones. He’s in a tranquil place – he never feels alone, only loved. The dead can be around us whenever they want. We’re the ones who miss them. Remember him fondly, acknowledge his presence in your life and know he’ll watch over you, loving and protecting you.

QI keep repeating my behaviour and push people away. I snap and get angry easily with loved ones. I feel like I am unworthy of being loved. I tried to take my life a couple of years ago as I felt it was my only answer to my unworthiness. I can pick up again but recently I’ve felt so low that, once again, I wanted to take my life. This time I sought help. I keep getting told it stems back to childhood. What causes this? Can you help me unlock what makes me feel like this ?

Lee, via email.

Lee, it would benefit you to see a doctor. It sounds like you may be depressed and your GP would be the best person to talk to. Therapy can be very helpful but first you must be diagnosed. Most people have baggage tied to childhood and still live happy lives – you can too. It’ll just take you doing the work to get a handle on your mental health. You can’t keep living the way you are and expect things to get better without intervention from professionals. It isn’t your fault that you feel bad, it can be as simple as biology.

QI have recently moved to the Central Coast, NSW. Even though I am in a lovely home, I am having trouble settling into my new environment. There have been a few occasions when I had some hair-raising feelings that I cannot explain. Can you tell me if I should be worried? Have I made the right decision moving here? Should I move back to Sydney?

LB, via email.

ALB, hair-raising feelings are usually just loved ones checking up on us, especially if we’re at a crossroads in life. You moved for a reason, so give yourself a chance to settle in and meet new people. If in a year you still feel isolated, move back to Sydney. It’s a great place! Try not to over-analyse your choice to move. Embrace your new home – it sounds beautiful. Here’s a mantra to start your day: “I’m going to inhale willingness” (take a deep cleansing breath) and exhale willfulness” (release the breath). Do this any time you need to be re-centered and as many times as it takes to feel better. It really does help.