HOW TO PARENT LIKE A ZEBRA
Watching a nature documentary recently I was struck by the self-sufficiency of baby zebras.
In short, the mother zebra gives birth, gives her foal a quick nudge then expects it to be up on its feet within minutes. Any delay and it could be pounced upon by a pack of hyenas.
While no-one expects such independence in human children it’s clear that in the past couple of decades, our offspring have become less, not more, capable. In fact, I’d venture that as households have become busier with both parents going out to paid work, children are doing less and less.
I know from experience that it’s often easier to do a task yourself than guide a child through it. And so we rush home from our paid jobs via the supermarket, then it’s home to fold the laundry, make dinner and wash up. By failing to delegate, we’re doing both them and us no favours.
We make their picture-perfect lunches because we want the meal to be nutritious and balanced. We gather and wash their muddy sports uniforms because we want them to be clean for the following week. And we continue making their beds because we want the room to be neat.
Yet when we rob them of the chance to become competent, we don’t just undermine their skill set, we make a rod for our own back.
I’m the first to admit that I used to be a domestic gatekeeper when it came to getting things done around the house. I’d complain that I did everything but when someone else took on a task I’d often criticise the way it was done.
But one day when my girls were around 10 and 13 I realised I was making the mistake of letting perfection be the enemy of the good. In mollycoddling them I was exhausting myself and robbing them of the opportunity to contribute and feel the satisfaction that comes from doing so.
Of course, they moaned when I started instituting what I called Operation Zebra but it wasn’t long before they were each making a meal a week, cleaning their own bathroom and folding the washing while I grabbed another 30 minutes at my desk. In fact, I was so astounded by a mum telling me her son continued to bring home his washing from his university, three hours away, that I made my girls put on alternate loads of laundry.
Delegating, I’ve realised, is making those around you stand on their own two feet so you can take the weight off your own!