I GAVE BIRTH AS A VIRGIN!
A RARE MEDICAL CONDITION MEANT THAT REVATI WAS UNABLE TO HAVE SEX
As she watches her 2-year-old daughter, Eva, race around the playground, proud mum Revati Vikram is overwhelmed with love. It’s a moment she feared might never happen.
For years Revati suffered from vaginismus, a condition that causes the vagina to spasm involuntarily. This meant she was unable to have sex and consummate her marriage!
Revati, 31, and her husband, Chin, 36, both experienced fertility issues, leaving her worried she’d never fulfil her dream of motherhood.
However, in February 2019, through IVF, she finally had her daughter.
“She’s a miracle and has brought us so much happiness. It’s incredible that I gave birth when
I was a virgin,” Revati tells New Idea.
“I felt so isolated because of my condition – it’s rarely spoken about. But having Eva has cured me.”
Software developer Revati first realised she might have a problem when she was 19.
“I was going to a pool party, but I was on my period. So I decided to try using a tampon for the first time, but my muscles clenched and I couldn’t put it in,” she recalls.
“I tried a few more times, but even thinking about it made my muscles contract. I thought it must be because I’d never had sex and tried not to worry.”
In January 2013, Revati met Chin, her first boyfriend, online, and by May that year they were engaged. He was the first person she confided in about her condition.
“I found Chin very attractive and I trusted him completely – he’s kind and gentle,” she explains
“I told him that I’d had problems with tampons and I was worried that it might affect my ability to have sex. He was supportive and said we’d take it slowly and that he loved me.”
The couple got married in December 2013 and didn’t attempt to consummate their marriage on their wedding night, as it would put too much pressure on them.
“He’s so supportive. We were intimate in ways other than traditionally assumed penis-in-vagina sex,” she says.
... After three months, Revati went to see a doctor to find out what could be done.
“I’d done some research and I had vaginismus. I don’t know why it happened – it’s just one of those things,” she says.
“The first doctor I saw was unhelpful. I spoke to friends and they suggested drinking wine beforehand, but that made me a bit aggressive! They also suggested using lube, which didn’t work.”
In 2015, Revati went to another doctor, who suggested therapy and using a dilator to get her vagina used to something being inserted.
While she was making progress, it was slow, and the couple longed to start a family. So, in 2016 they tried fertility treatment under anaesthetic. Tests showed they both had fertility issues and their best hope was IVF.
Their first attempt in April 2018 failed, but the following month it was successful.
“I can’t describe the joy I felt,” Revati says. “I’d been through so much worry and here I was, pregnant with the daughter I’d always dreamt about.”
It wasn’t an easy pregnancy. Revati had morning sickness and suffered from bleeding, necessitating bed rest for the first three months. However, the support from the nurses gave her the confidence to try for a natural birth.
In February 2019, Revati gave birth to Eva, who weighed 2.72kg, after a long 29-hour labour.
“I felt so strong and sure of myself – giving birth was incredible,” Revati says.
“I fell in love with Eva immediately – and felt a huge sense of achievement and at peace with my body. Despite being a virgin, I’d had my beautiful daughter and I haven’t had a problem since.
“Erectile dysfunction is talked about openly and vaginismus should be too.
I was lucky to meet my wonderful husband, who’s been the greatest support, and had brilliant doctors. I want to reassure other women there’s help out there.”
• For support, visit vaginismusawarenessnetwork.org