WHEN BESTIES TURN BAD HOW TO TELL WHEN IT’S TIME TO WALK AWAY

Stressful times bring out the best and worst in us, so if there were already cracks in your friendship, neuropsychologist Dr Hannah Korrel says the past year may have made things worse. “For instance, if your ‘bestie’ spoke poorly to you before COVID, further stresses may make her even more likely to speak to you rudely now,” she explains.

This can be overt, subtle or a mixture of both. But how do you distinguish a toxic friend from a well-meaning pal with foot-in-mouth syndrome?

“Pay attention to the intention behind the behaviour,” says Hannah. “Your gut has a pretty good radar for what was intentionally malicious and what was just an honest mistake from a friend that loves you. If you feel worse before, during or after an interaction with this person, that is a pretty sure sign the relationship is unhealthy for you.”

If you can no longer afford the time, money and energy you are giving to a toxic friend, Hannah says a break-up could be required. “This may mean the white lie of ‘sorry I’ve made other plans’, or the clear but respectful message, ‘thank you so much for the invite, but I simply must decline,’” says Hannah. “If they continue to bully you for more, unfortunately you may need to bite the bullet and actively tell them the friendship is over.”

While ending a toxic friendship isn’t easy, it can save you pain. “Strained friendship is associated with greater chronic illness, and the health effects [can be] on par with obesity and smoking,” says Hannah. “When you remove these influences, not only can you reverse these effects, but you make space for kinder friends to enter your life! And good friends have been shown to improve our health, brain, success and lifespan – not to mention happiness!”

Hannah Korrel is the author of How To Break Up with Friends (Impact Press, $24.99). Visit hannahkorrel.com