CHEERIO, MR CRAIG: THE SPY WHO DUMPED US

Just when we were getting used to Daniel Craig as the beloved and brooding James Bond, he’s breaking up with us! We’ve invested 15 years into this relationship and now No Time to Die marks the British beefcake’s last outing as 007.

OK, its not like this is the first time the spy has dumped us. Remember when Craig was announced as Pierce Brosnan’s replacement? Fans went ballistic, screaming: “James Bond isn’t blond!” But one look at Craig emerging from the ocean in a pair of skin-tight swimmers that barely concealed his weapon and suddenly it was: “We can get used to this!”

But if fans thought switching hair colour was a big deal, how will they cope if Bond changes gender?

“The name is Bond. Jane Bond.”

Wait, what? There’s a growing cry that Bond should be played by a female to keep up with the times. Well, it seems to me “the times” are doing a good job in the female action hero department. Angelina Jolie had Salt and Charlize Theron had Atomic Blonde – both of which did pretty well at the box office.

While Bond doesn’t need to change sex in my opinion, he’s certainly evolved. The recent films have became darker, exploring his inner torment and loneliness. Not since Sean Connery has the spy been so viral. (Brosnan, Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton were all a tad poncy and more likely to lift a blow dryer than a barbell.)

So, the moment of truth: who should replace Craig? Tom Hardy’s name comes up the most, as does Idris Elba. But he’s said he doesn’t want the label of ‘the first Black Bond.’

My choice is Henry Cavill. He’s got the looks, the voice and boy, he knows how to throw a right hook! Done! Get that contract signed so we can get him out of those silly Superman tights!

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