A WILTED ROSE: OPERATION ‘SAVE BACHELORETTE’ BEGINS
It’s been one of the slowest (and some would say agonisingly painful) break-ups in romantic history. Every time we throw our hands up and walk away, the promise of “things will be different next time” beckons us back for one more go-around.
But this time, to the shock of television executives everywhere, when viewers said “enough is enough”, they actually meant it!
This super-woke Bachelorette promised boys, girls, ball gowns and bisexual banter galore! And, for a third lucky chance at love, a suitress everybody was talking about ... until they weren’t.
This season of The Bachelorette has debuted with the lowest ratings in the franchise’s history. Brooke Blurton’s got a smile that stops traffic and a laugh like crystal bells, but who could predict that she could be so ... bland. You can be a lot of things in TV, but boring ain’t one of them.
Did producers believe the whole bisexual factor could actually resuscitate the fading format? Fans are way smarter than that. Instead of it being inclusive, the stench of desperation is smellier than a bottle of cheap cologne and stale beer.
The only thing that can save this rose from dying on the vine is STAR POWER and PERSONALITY.
When Sophie Monk sashayed into the Bachie mansion, it flipped the franchise into overdrive. Equal parts Barbie and bogan, Sophie paved the way for The Bachelor follow-up, the weirdly wonderful Honey Badger, Nick Cummins.
Despite the dismal ratings, Network Ten have confirmed they’re still bringing the show back next year. So who do I think the next Bachelorette should be? I thought you’d never ask!
My vote goes to Jackie ‘O’ Henderson. This twice divorced, 40-something single mum might elevate the brand through sheer curiosity (and her famous friends) alone! Plus her listeners range in age from 17 to 75!
As for the next Bachie, please go with Tony Armstrong. Everybody loves the AFL hunk turned ABC sports presenter. He’s funny, flirty and oh-so easy on the eyes. It’s about time this player showed off his moves by revealing why men with moustaches always do it best!
Follow Richard on Instagram @the_richardreid and Twitter @Rreidshollywood