MANAGING sibling rivalry

DON’T LET THE KIDS’ BICKERING SPOIL YOUR HOLIDAY FUN!

The school break is in full swing, which typically means spending more quality time with our loved ones. Although these are the moments we often cherish, it’s also a peak time for arguments to erupt between siblings. Paediatric psychologist and Nature One Dairy Australia partner, Amanda Abel, shares her expert advice on how to diffuse and manage difficult family situations.

SETTING BOUNDARIES

Just like adults, it’s completely normal for siblings to argue, but Amanda points out the main difference that parents should keep in mind.

“Children are still learning how to regulate their emotions, compromise and negotiate,” she explains. “It helps to remember that this is a skill that needs developing until they can manage the situation effectively.”

There are proactive steps you can take to help. “Offer specific praise when you notice appropriate behaviour like sharing or resolving a problem calmly without aggression,” Amanda suggests.

“Encourage and implement structure through a consistent feeding routine to build a foundation for other activities to be slotted in throughout the day. Structure provides boundaries and decreases anxiety and difficult behaviours like arguments!”

Finally, Amanda advises to provide clear expectations for your children. “Implement house rules and a reward system to help motivate kids to follow them,” she says.

HAVE STRATEGIES READY TO GO

When a fight or disagreement erupts, it’s important for parents to keep their cool and focus on diffusing the situation.

“Your response can make or break the situation, so try following these strategies,” Amanda explains. “Stay calm.

Don’t fight fire with fire! This is your chance to model how to manage a difficult situation, so take a deep breath and try not to be reactive in your words and actions when intervening.”

It’s also a good idea to try and allow your kids to navigate a situation as independently and safely as possible. “This gives them the opportunity to learn those much-needed negotiation and compromise skills,” adds Amanda.

Another helpful tool can be reminding your children about the house rules if you see an argument on the horizon.

“Sometimes this can diffuse the situation before it begins, as the opportunity to earn a reward might outweigh the short-term ‘benefit’ of the argument,” says Amanda. “Redirection also works a treat, so if you see an argument brewing, try to redirect your children’s attention to something else.”

PLAN AHEAD

Attempting to manage these situations can be more difficult outside of the house, and parents may find they have to switch up techniques depending on the environment.

“While we can try our hardest to make sibling arguments productive learning experiences, there will be situations where we can’t have the kids fighting and causing a scene – like on a road trip or at a family event. Prevention is better than cure for these times, so plan ahead.” •

Talk through some ideas for handling disagreements before the holiday or special event. •

Ensure that boredom won’t be the trigger for arguments and pack entertaining and novel activities to keep the kids occupied. •

Set clear expectations and rewards for getting through small periods of time without arguments. Lots of frequent rewards will work far better than setting your kids up for failure by expecting them to get through a week of no fighting to earn a reward!