Coping with CHANGE
EXPERT TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE UNSETTLED FEELINGS
Change is something we deal with throughout our lives, and the past few years have definitely been a roller-coaster of adapting to a constantly changing climate. As a parent, it’s important to be aware of how an environment of uncertainty can have an impact on your child. Family therapist Dr Libby Aitken shares communication techniques and advice on how to best support your child during times of transition.
FOCUS ON LISTENING
When offering help, many parents may find their first instinct is to reassure or solve their child’s problem, but tuning in and listening is just as important.
“Be a sounding board,” explains Dr Aitken. “Ask your child about their concerns. When you listen, you are helping them work out how to deal with their experiences. Spend time listening to their concerns. Going on a walk together, or finding another activity you both enjoy can be a good place to connect.
After you have had time to talk about their worries, ask your child what they are looking forward to about the transition. What things do they think they will enjoy? Try reflecting back to them what you have heard, so they understand you are listening.”
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
If your child is feeling overwhelmed, asking questions is a great way to open up room for discussion and help you connect. Dr Aitken recommends the following phrases: “You seem a little sad/worried about … Is that right? Would you like to talk about it?”
“In a school-age child, noticing and naming the feelings you see can be a helpful way to check in,” she explains.
“Don’t worry if your guess wasn’t right or they don’t engage straight away. Sometimes just being present with them, like on a walk or a drive in the car, can create the space for conversations to happen.”
IMPLEMENT A ROUTINE
Observing a change in behaviour in your child can be an indicator of stress or anxiety.
“Notice what is going on in your child’s world,” explains Dr Aitken. “Sometimes a change in behaviour like sleep, eating or mood can be a marker.”
Implementing a routine may relieve feelings of unsettledness.
“Keeping to regular, predictable routines at home can help,” explains Dr Aitken. “If you notice your child is worried, let them know it is very normal to feel some anxiety about transitions such as going back to school or starting prep. As parents we can feel some anxiety too, but it’s important for us to stay calm and know that with time, change and transition phases will pass, and we will be back to a familiar life again.”