In season

Neil Ross’s big-headed divas – the primadonnas of the spring garden

Diligent staking is needed for the real big heads, such as paeonies – otherwise, come a strong wind or a bit of rain, and your diva may well dive into the mud

It was at university that for a couple of golden years I got voted on to the student executive and became in my way a peacock strutting the halls of residence with a rather inflated view of myself. A big fish in a small pond, I kept a rather dull friend Gary under the stairs and hauled him out occasionally, blinking into the light, to help me when exams loomed. You see, Gary was dull but useful – his diligence, dependability and bulging lecture notes made it worth cultivating the friendship. After all, doesn’t every Dame Edna need her Madge, in whose shadow their brilliance shines the more brightly? And I had dependable Gary, who is probably now earning millions as a legal hot-shot while I am still digging ditches – sweet revenge.

So don’t pity those poor, plain flowers which, in spring, are only hanging around as stage-hands and shoe-shiners, serving the prima donnas planted beside them. This is the season for the big guns of the flower world, so let them honk and boast and strut for a brief hour upon the garden stage and imagine they are the best thing since sliced bread. The thing that separates these show-offs from the crowd is their architectural good looks, from slender spires to giant balls of beauty. These are impact plants and, as such, a little goes a long way – so don’t overdo it in your rush for a bit of spring drama.

Perhaps it’s a little early for delphiniums, roses and lilies but there are plenty of other show-offs in the shrubberies: plants such as geraniums and forget-me-nots are pretty and useful for a splash of colour but are really only there as cushions on which the paeonies and irises can lay their heavy heads. And there lies the rub: we need a few show-offs in the garden but they are inevitably of a delicate disposition. One is the

relatively brief flowering period of some – Oriental poppies and wisteria being prime examples. Another is the diligent staking needed for the real big heads otherwise, come a strong wind or a bit of rain, and your diva may well dive into the mud. Paeonies are the classic; their massive heads of ruffled loveliness last only for a fortnight and each head needs some serious supporting. Those posh, wrought-iron prisons you can buy to enclose them often cost twice as much as the plant themselves but you will need something substantial. Bearded iris are another irresistible flower with wonderful architecture and a kaleidoscopic colour range but again, the magic is over in the blink of an eye and the taller varieties need to be tied – each spike individually lashed to a split cane and the first flowers snapped off as they fade before rain spoils the emerging buds behind.

There are more than a few impressive climbers in spring. Wisterias in particular can steal the show for a short time drizzling down a pergola or the sunny side of a house, but on a smaller scale a honeysuckle is much more easy to manage and scented too – though the leaves are not nearly so classy. I always get carried away with such plants, imagining they will mingle and mix with ease but it pays not to put all your divas in the same dressing room and a large-flowered clematis can easily become strangled by another overambitious twiner.

For my money one of the earliest show-offs is the best – namely, the big dicentras, now renamed horribly Lamprocapnos

spectabilis. Each arc of pretty pink and white purses is both delicate but horn-honkingly attention-grabbing and with this woodlander, the flowering lasts for a good month or more and comes long before much of the garden has woken up. The only drawback is that after Christmas all that lovely ferny foliage crashes and burns – turning a horrible yellow as it fades and leaving a hole in the border. The big oriental poppies do the same thing and the best you can hope to do is to promptly clear away the mess and fill it with a bit of bedding. Poppies are notoriously difficult to stake but they will need plenty of support if each exquisite flower is not to flop. It’s time worth spending though for a show-stopping performance.

Many bulbs pack a punch in early spring – tulips in pots perhaps, but in the border ornamental onions are an easier choice. Their flowers are impressive but the leaves often start to die just as those purple planets begin to flower so it’s a good idea to plant around with a sea of quieter carpeting perennials as a supporting cast. Dependable plants such as catmint (nepeta) and geraniums will gently swell, hide the mess and continue flowering for months on end without fuss. While Dame Edna receives her brief applause it’s the Madges of the world who often get the last laugh.