EVEL KNIEVEL & BILLY GOAT GRUFF

brave hero again that night, and he should be given, at the minimum, a Darwin Award. “It wasn’t too much later that dawn began to break and I was dropped back at the motel on the back of a pickup along with a few others whom I can’t remember (I think Des Tutu Hook was present). It would have been at about this time, as I stood in the doorway of the motel room covered in mayonnaise and margarine, that my good wife of some 30 odd years would have looked at me and muttered something like, ‘Would ya grow up a bit?’ That really was a funny night! “As you know, TJ, I spent my childhood growing up in Whanganui, and have begun to wonder if there isn’t something in the water in the River City. That column about that night in Taupo (with some of the Whanganui guys involved, including yourself) also jogged my memory of something else which I thought was pretty hard case at the time. “Fifteen odd years ago — maybe more, maybe less — I was crewing for the Blu’s Brothers drag racing team. At that time, they were running in Top Alcohol, as was Rowan and Rivers racing from Whanganui. Most of our guys, Phil and Graeme Blummont included, had crewed for Grant and Dave on and off, so it was decided it would be a good idea for us all to stay at the same motel (somewhere on the banks of the Waikato River) one weekend when we were racing at Champion Dragway. “After dinner and a lot of beers this particular night, one of our crew members decided that, in order to see the night out, he needed a saucer of warm milk and a wee lie down, and so off to bed he went. After a short time, the sounds of someone in a deep slumber could be heard from the unit. At the sound of this, it was suggested to me by one of River’s crew members known as ‘Morey’ (surprise surprise; he’s from Whanganui, too!) that perhaps Sleeping Beauty would like some company. It so happened that in the neighbouring paddock, tethered to a waratah, was a big ugly billy goat with a really bad attitude. After some gentle persuasion, me and Morey managed to get hold of our bearded neighbour, and herded him (he was really pissed off about this) into the back door of our crew member’s unit. Well, it didn’t take too long before there was one hell of a commotion. We sat back drinking our beers as we watched the front door of the motel unit burst open with our crew member running out in his undies being chased by ol’ billy goat, and calling us a pack of arseholes as he ran past. Anyway, no one died, and the billy goat ended up back in his nice quiet paddock. Once our somewhat distressed mate had calmed down a bit he explained that the billy goat had taken a bit of a liking to his socks, which in itself wasn’t all bad except that he was still wearing them. Anyway, all’s well that ended well. About then I probably would have imagined Michelle’s voice in my head saying, ‘Would ya grow up a bit!’ “TJ, do you think there’s something in the water in Whanganui that’s inhibited our ability to grow up a bit? Regards, Jason Ware”

Yes, I do, Jason — yes, I most definitely do.