Lingo-gistics

I recently purchased a bike I had long wanted to do up. First thing I thought I would do was look around to find a couple of new mudguards for it. Strangely I could find very few. What I did find though was a lot of people offering “fenders” for motorcycles. I found this very strange as I had not previously come across a motorcycle with a “fender” on it. As many Australian blokes know a fender is a big bulbous thing you hang off the side of your boat to stop it bashing into the wharf, but why would you want one on a bike? I suppose fenders hanging off the side of the bike would be good with lane splitting, you could bounce off the cars as you go through and if the bike fell over it would bounce up again, not a bad idea all in all. Oh well I thought, people do strange things, try something else, look for a fuel tank for instance. Another surprise, there were very few fuel tanks available, however a lot of “gas” tanks. Now, in all the years I have been riding I have never once come across a motorcycle that runs on gas, but apparently they’re out there, so there you go, you learn something every day. The list goes on and on. Perhaps I have missed something, perhaps the Australian language with all its colloquialisms and idiosyncrasies which identify us has been banned and I didn’t hear about it. Come to think of it, a few issues ago in OBA I noticed a bloke had written in to the editor and mentioned that he had been to the “drug store”. At the time I thought he must have been an American bloke living in Australia and unaware that in this country they are called Chemists shops. Perhaps indeed he was Australian, I’m not sure now, however until someone can tell me why we should shed our culture and its language I shall keep talking Australian and avoid people selling strange objects for my bike even though it brings perplexed looks from some sales staff. Is it me, or is there something wrong with the Australian vernacular? David Barker St Helens, Tasmania A complimentary, Australian-made Raritee t-shirt is on its way. – Ed