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The life of a professional motorcycle racer is not all beer and skittles. In Edgar Jessop’s case, there was also wine, brandy, spirits, champagne and all manner of fortified liquor, for example. Edgar wasn’t much of a beer drinker anyway, and he never pla

As well as his duties promoting the Spagforth brand through his skill and derring-do on the race tracks of the world, and his role as a brand ambassador, which involved a non-stop whirlwind of official functions, vice-regal engagements and socialising with fellow celebrities, Edgar was obliged once a year, to attend what Sir Carruthers Spagforth termed his Think Tank, which was known unofficially amongst the company brass as the Drink Tank. Rather than conduct this weeklong brainstorming session at the drab and dreary Spagforth Works in Upper Giggleswick (which is listed as number four in the areas of the world’s highest rainfall, just behind Cherrapunji, Tutendo and Mawsyram – even the local Giggleswick Duck is almost extinct through drownings), the guvnor would arrange a chartered Pullman locomotive to take directors, wives, concubines and a small army of footmen, chefs, sommeliers, coiffeurs, valets, masseuses and eunuchs to his summer lodging, Chateau de Porchop at Saint-Tropez on the French Riviera. Upon arrival guests took a refreshing Cleopatra Bath (in donkey’s milk, scented with lavender, honey, nutmeg and Burgamot Oil) before adjourning to the terrace overlooking the Cote d’Azur for pre-dinner cocktails. By day, the directors and advisors, of whom Edgar was one, would concoct and debate marketing strategies and new model ideas, few of which ever proceeded beyond that night’s repast. Indeed, the Drink Tank was responsible for such aberrations as the Spagforth Sybarite, a hybrid motorcycle/caravan that incorporated a double bed and Jacuzzi, the Spagforth Salamander which was powered by a clockwork mechanism pendulum which required winding with a massive key before it would commence operation, and the Spagforth Churn; an improbable contraption that vibrated so badly it was eventually sold to Kraft for making processed cheese. The Drink Tanks lasted only a few years, not specifically because they comprehensively failed to produce anything remotely worthwhile or practical, but because of the devastating toll on the directors, many of who required extensive medical treatment for liver ailments, acute crapulence, and sexually transmitted diseases.

Between courses, directors and distinguished guests are entertained at the annual Spagforth Think Tank held at Sir Carruthers Spagforth’s modest weekender at Saint-Tropez. Edgar Jessop, fourth from bottom left, appears to be contemplating some post-dinner activity of his own.