Last tango in Andorra
Following last issue’s revelations of the standover tactics employed by such ruffians as Alfonso “Skidmark” Scipione and the Sludgetrap gang, we have been alerted to similar nefarious goings on within the motorcycle community between the wars.
One such concerns Paulo “Chromedome” Gompetz and his attractive sidekick Fiona Flibbertigibbet, who made countless incursions, sweeping across the Continent and liberating wealth from the foolish and the gullible. This often led to spirited police chases as Gompertz fled the crime scene and headed for the political immunity afforded by his residence in Andorra. However, on several occasions he was apprehended due to the failure of his vehicle, an embarrassing situation that was only rescued by the authorities’ appetite for ‘compensation’. Gompertz’ brother, Luciano, a skilled mechanic as well as an insatiable lothario, created a unique getaway vehicle by combining the rear section of an abandoned Spagforth Scuttlebutt with the front of a converted light personnel carrier, complete with armour plating. The Scuttlebutt, with its powerful 12 litre v-twin engine, was capable of a top speed of 335 km/h, but possessed of a prodigious thirst, returning less than 250 metres per litre (0.75 mpg). This required converting the entire front half of the vehicle, which Luciano named Jigajig after his favourite sport, to a petrol tank holding 550 litres (122.2 gallons). Extra fuel was carried in containers above the front axle, on the roof, and in the front tyres. In their adopted home town of Sant Julià de Lòria, Paulo and Fiona enjoyed celebrity status, their largesse and fondness for lavish parties attracting a wide circle of bootlickers and sycophants. Vast crowds of well wishers would turn out to see the notorious duo embark on their latest escapade, and would also line the streets to welcome them home, whereupon they would be showered with surplus foreign currency. Edgar Jessop was a frequent dinner party guest as he kept a tax-haven villa at nearby Santa Coloma. Alas, one day, Gompertz and Flibbertigibbet did not return. Their acolytes kept up a vigil for days until one by one they drifted away, unrewarded and disillusioned. Eventually news filtered in that Jigajig had spluttered to a halt, devoid of essence, just a few kilometres from the safety of the Andorran border, where it was seized by the pursuing agents of the law. As the duo prepared to face hundreds of charges pursuant to their outlaw existence, Jigajig was declared an asset acquired using the proceeds of crime and confiscated. It was later purchased by the Sultan of Brunei and used for ceremonial duties before he deemed it “too expensive to run” and sold it for scrap.