Edgar Jessop plus next issue preview
To celebrate Edgar Jessop’s victory in the 1939 Grand Prix du Rock, held on Gibraltar, where he famously carried the remnants of his Spagforth Sputum on his shoulders across the finish line as the only finisher in the 1,000 mile race, workers in Spagforth factories world wide were given half a day off, which included their lunch hour and maternity leave.
Edgar was in fact fortunate to reach the finish line after the front forks of his machine parted company with the rest of the motorcycle on the penultimate corner. Heroically hoisting the rear section on his back (and wisely deciding to grab the front number plate with its all-important scrutineering decal), Edgar staggered the four miles to the line in stifling heat, pausing only to quaff massive drafts of local lager proffered by spectators along the way, and to twice relieve himself behind a tree. Upon crossing the line, Edgar collapsed, but was hoisted aloft by the cheering spectators, many of whom had been present for the entire 40 hours of the race and were visibly affected by alcohol. He reappeared some time later after having been bathed and coiffured by handmaidens, his aplomb and thirst restored in time to be presented to His Excellency Victor Vicuna, governor of Gibraltar, at a glittering ceremony in the gardens of Government House. Celebrations raged from Giggleswick to Guatemala as Edgar sailed home with his trophy and a stuffed Barbary Macaque. These small apes were and are still prevalent in Gibraltar and are possessed of such intelligence that they formed their own union, demanding equal working rights with human counterparts. The fact that they would work for peanuts made them attractive to employers and for the Grand Prix, several found positions wielding spanners in race teams. Not surprisingly, the primates were easily distracted from their duties, and mischief amongst rival teams, whereby the apes were tempted from their tasks by offerings of food, Xeres (sherry), or gaudy trinkets, resulted in some very shoddy work. Upon his arrival back at the Spagforth works, Edgar received a hero’s reception and the key to the village of Giggleswick, as well as its twin town Wigglesworth. He was, however, extremely distraught to learn that British quarantine rules prevented him bringing his stuffed Barbary Macaque into the country, and that both halves of the Spagforth Sputum were to be taxed upon import as complete motorcycles. Sir Carruthers Spagforth absolutely refused to comply with the exchequer’s ruling, and sent the remains of the motorcycle back to Gibraltar where it was donated to the local technical college as an example of incomparable British design and engineering.