The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Truth
It’s 1981 and the distinctive theme music by Ennio Morricone (who died this year aged 99) for the Spaghetti Western “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” is still resonating from pubs, cafes and bars. I chose to paraphrase it as the title of this piece because it perfectly sums up the ownership experience of my first and so far only Moto Guzzi – a V50 Mk III (henceforth V50).
The Good
In this period of my life I was in love, nay infatuated with Moto Guzzi (henceforth Guzzi). I loved their 90° transverse V twin engines, the substantial transmission and shaft final drive, the sculptured shape of their fuel tanks. Road tests and reviews invariably praised their handling and braking, and to me they just looked drop-dead gorgeous. But this marque also has some sort of indefinable mystique about it. Maybe just it being Italian makes it seem more exotic or something? This sort of enchantment lasted until I became a Guzzi owner…. but then…. it soon wore off. Read on.
I had this brilliant idea – my wife Annie and I would go to the Guzzi factory at Mandello del Lario, buy a suitable model bike and do the grand tour of Europe for 2-3 months and then bring the bike home duty-free. Which bike? I liked the 850 cc T4 (‘T’ for Tourer), a faired Guzzi version of a BMW RT, or years later the Honda NT 700 (Deauville). Then nature intervened and we had a change of plan – Annie announced that she was pregnant! As keen a motorcyclist as I was, it became obvious that the grand tour of Europe by motorcycle was off, twoplus up, the risk and discomfort for Annie in her condition was too great…….so we hired a new Renault 5 instead!
But I still wanted to bring home a duty-free Guzzi and to save even more money it would have to be a 490 cc V50. So, much to my dear wife’s chagrin, we spent a week camping on the shores of Lake Como and visiting the Guzzi factory to do paperwork and perve on the 500 cc V8 motor in the Guzzi museum. Finally, they wheeled a brand spanking new red V50
from the production line and said “this is your bike – you will next see it in Australia”. When it eventually arrived, I went to Customs and the Road Traffic Authority and did the paperwork. I remember stabbing the starter button for the first time, listening to that delightful 90° V twin burble, feeling the transverse torque effect and thinking “what a little gem of a bike!” During the trip home I couldn’t get the smile off my face – the little gem ran perfectly, handled beautifully and the integrated brakes worked well. I was a happy man. Then, things started to go wrong.
The Bad
The first thing I noticed that shouldn’t be happening was oil seeping out between the head and the cylinder barrel on the left, then it appeared on the right hand side too. Then the engine began to run unevenly and stumbled when the throttle was blipped, and then the engine started to blow blue smoke and drink oil, and all of this before its first service! At first service I reported the litany of problems to the Guzzi dealer. Next day the Chief Mechanic rang and in apologetic tones told me that the barrels and heads were distorted due to incorrect torqueing down at the factory. But the good news was that all work and parts would be covered under warranty. Fine, but after the repairs the oil continued to seep out between the heads and the barrels, and out of sympathy the rubber seals on the front forks started to weep, and the rubber sleeves connecting the carburettors to the intake spigots had splits in them that altered the fuel-to-air ratio so the engine was running too lean and this caused overheating, which in turn caused leaking head gaskets, and all this just because somebody forgot to check their tension wrench. Then there were the electrics.
Researching for this story I visited a number of Guzzi chat rooms, sites for Guzzi owners clubs etc. On one such site I found this statement:
“Moto Guzzi – making electricians out of riders since March 15 1921.”
The ignition points were located right where the front mudguard doesn’t stop water from being thrown up into them which resulted in the engine cutting out when riding in the rain, and reluctant starting. I soon added a can of CRC to the bike’s toolkit. And light bulbs in warning lights, indicators, and running lights were going off like at a press photographer’s visit to a nudist colony.
This constant succession of mechanical and electrical problems mightn’t have totally cured my infatuation with Guzzi, but the little voice inside my head said “never again” and so I sold the V50 to a young bloke at a heavily discounted price after telling him about the gremlins. But such is the Siren call of Guzzi mystique, he didn’t hear me, he was too busy drooling over the bike parked out-front.
The Ugly Truth
Some might say it was just bad luck – bike randomly selected off the production line was a lemon. But the fact of the matter is that at that time Moto Guzzi was having some serious issues with its quality control. Fortunately, overall brand quality has improved significantly since the Piaggio takeover in 2004, but the current Guzzi chatrooms are still sprinkled with tales of quality issues. Paradoxically, such is the power of Guzzi mystique that loyal Guzzi owners see this as a kind of brand strength and they talk about ‘ironing out quality bugs or gremlins’ to ensure a model’s reputation for reliability.
The moral to this story is clear. If you cannot resist the Siren call of Guzzi mystique, make sure you buy one from a reputable Guzzi dealer and get any quality bugs or gremlins sorted up-front. So, the ugly truth – remember that little voice that once said “never again”? Well now, when I look at a new Guzzi V7 III Milano, I hear the little voice saying “Gee, I wonder how much they’re asking?” ■