“The streams of traffic begin to clog”

The perils of town planning in MINI MOTORWAYS




Destroyed an ancient woodland with a JCB. ALSO PLAYED Bad North, BallisticN­G

The real hero of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy isn’t Arthur Dent, it’s the man from the council, Mr L Prosser. You know, the guy who tries to convince Arthur that the bypass absolutely needs to be built directly through the field where his house is currently – and inconvenie­ntly – standing.

In a way, Mini Motorways is a Mr Prosser simulator. Here I am, smashing great stretches of asphalt through green and pleasant swathes of serene countrysid­e so the citizens of my ever-growing conurbatio­n can get their gas-guzzling SUVs to the local hypermarke­t to buy stuff they don’t (presumably) need. As I lay yet another roundabout or gargantuan multi-laned highway with wanton abandon, my mind is cast back to childhood memories of The Animals of Farthing Wood; wildlife and idyllic pastures of tall grass and ancient woodlands obliterate­d by man’s (my) unquenchab­le thirst for growth. More roads, more SUVs, more dwellings, and more hypermarke­ts of correspond­ing colours that must be frequented by a public with cash to spend.


Of course, the minimalist nature of Mini Motorways’ visuals means a lot of what you’ve just read is almost entirely the result of an over-active imaginatio­n, but as sure as night follows day – which it does, even in Mini Motorways’ tiny world – adding more intersecti­ons and boulevards to my growing concrete jungle feeds these arterial roads with more and more vehicles, for they are the lifeblood of this sprawl. But then disaster strikes. The free-flowing streams of traffic begin to clog, like vehicular cholestero­l. More hypermarke­ts spring up. Across the river a new housing developmen­t appears… but alas I have no bridgebuil­ding capacity, so consumers sit idle. Queues are forming in and around the carparks of my hypermarke­ts and produce piles up, rotting on the shelves as I try to build more roads to alleviate the congestion. Regrettabl­y, I find that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and this is a technologi­cal breakdown. With the hypermarke­ts unable to shift stock, roads congested and the serene countrysid­e all but devoured, my city has shut down. Oh well.

 ?? ?? Brunel would be proud of these monuments to traffic.
Brunel would be proud of these monuments to traffic.
 ?? ??
 ?? ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia