PATAPON 2 REMASTERED
Get on the table for this absolute banger
The drums! Do you hear the drums, dear reader? No? We used to be like you – uninitiated and woefully unappreciative of the silence. Oh, we weren’t completely naïve; we remember the bad old days of PSP and how the original release of this rhythm action game hooked us back in 2009. This remaster now serves as a rude reminder of just how deep its rhythm burrowed into our skull.
If you’re experienced in banging the Patapon drum, this is the sequel you already know and love. Even the odd low-resolution cutscene made for PSP’s tiny screen has made it into this version, but everything else has fared much better in the jump to modern consoles.
If you’re new to the game, know this: the tiny, titular music-loving warriors are on a quest to find Earthend and uncover its secrets. But the seafaring adventure they embarked on at the end of the first game has ended in shipwreck and brought them into conflict with the Karmen tribe. As their patron deity, you guide your fighty followers with a funky drum beat; r, r, r, e will move your tiny blinking army forward but you won’t be going anywhere or doing much of anything if you’re off-beat.
BEAT IT
Early excursions’ stage music is stripped-back and focused on helping you keep time.
Every bum note is heralded by the cow bell of shame, though thankfully your Patapons will count you back in rather than allow their god to flounder in off-tempo hell. Perhaps you’re already the funk daddy, rhythm master, but it takes us a while to pick the beat back up again. Your warriors dance with every matched beat and you’ll find it impossible not to sway in time yourself. What’s truly infectious, though, is your Patapons’ response to the call of your drum beat – their chorus of “Pata, pata, pata, pon” still follows us long after we leave Patopolis.
Donning your headphones is an absolute must, especially as later soundscapes can get much busier. These audio arenas never get so dense that you’ll lose your thread, and on the whole the sound has been designed with at least one eye on the less rhythmically gifted.
To level up and evolve your warriors, you’re encouraged to replay earlier stages. A number of these develop over time but a simplified weather system also helps to keep things interesting. Equippable ‘Miracles’ allow you to alter the weather yourself, but triggering this sea change is a surprisingly involved process for such a limited-time effect. One poorly timed button press means you have to restart the stage and, even more frustratingly, bosses invulnerable under clear skies definitely won’t wait patiently as you struggle to get your rain dance right. You will get it eventually, but if you’re anything like us, you’ll be effing and jeffing in the rain.
VERDICT
“A CHORUS OF ‘PATA, PATA, PATA, PON’ FOLLOWS US LONG AFTER LEAVING PATOPOLIS.”
When you and Patapon 2 are on the same page of its rhythmic song book, this is a treat of a dance party. You won’t be able to resist getting down to this sick beat. Jess Kinghorn