with GABRIEL TABASCO

Q Magazine - - Q Life -

Busi­ness­men or tradies: which is your pref­er­ence? I per­son­ally can­not de­cide be­tween them and no mat­ter how I much oogle them or fan­ta­sise over them, I am still no closer on de­cid­ing which of th­ese two types of men I pre­fer. To come to a de­ci­sion I ex­am­ine the ev­i­dence…

I of­ten end up sit­ting op­po­site a busi­ness­man or two on the train on the way to work. Sit­ting crossed-legged, their socks, emerg­ing from their pol­ished shoes are the only bright colours on them (apart from their blue and yel­low polka dot box­ers tucked away un­der their suit. I can im­age busi­ness­men's un­der­wear be­ing as silly as they are se­ri­ous).

Young or old all busi­ness­men seem to posses a hur­ried air, as if they have some­where im­por­tant to be and can­not get there soon enough. Whether rush­ing off to a meet­ing or walk­ing con­fi­dently through the CBD to get their morn­ing cof­fee, busi­ness­men are al­ways clad in fig­ure-hug­ging suits. Their but­tocks are en­cased in their tight pants that de­light­fully re­veal the shape of their bot­tom as they stride along or bend over to pick up their brief­case. What­ever the body type of the busi­ness­man, whether he is the mus­cu­lar Iron Man com­peti­tor with five o'clock stub­ble, the skinny new grad­u­ate or the tubby mar­ried man, their freshly-pressed white shirts make them ripe for rip­ping open.

Even dull busi­ness­men seem sexy. Over din­ner one night, one fam­ily friend, dressed in a cardi­gan, droned on about his job that sounded as bor­ing as he was. I lis­tened to him talk about strat­egy and ‘get­ting to the bot­tom line' but all I could think about was get­ting him to my bot­tom line. A few years later I man­aged to se­duce him, feel­ing vic­to­ri­ous at hav­ing bagged a bor­ing busi­ness­man. Sit­ting on him naked, I rocked back and forth while rid­ing his cock, as he re­mained fully clothed, still wear­ing his busi­ness­man's cardi­gan. But that's for an­other story…

Whereas the Vil­lage Peo­ple had a trades­man among their group that in­cluded, among oth­ers, a fire­man, a cow­boy and a sailor, they did not fea­ture a busi­ness­man. How­ever nowa­days busi­ness­men have be­come such a hot sex­ual fan­tasy that one porn site spe­cialises ex­clu­sively in that genre: porn stars dressed, or un­dressed, as busi­ness­men wear­ing only long black socks and a shirt and tie while be­ing naked from the waist down. Bent over their desk they are rav­ished by one or more men. If only the cor­po­rate world were re­ally that thrilling, that a con­fer­ence call was suc­ceeded by a con­fer­ence call-boy or that a 360-de­gree assess­ment was some­thing phys­i­cal.

On the other end of the spec­trum are trades­men, who are the an­tithe­ses of busi­ness­men. Tradies are gruff, wear next to noth­ing, are cov­ered in dirt and do ‘real work' like build and fix things. All tradies seem sexy: from the ones work­ing in con­struc­tion, with flecks of mud on their legs to the elec­tri­cians who come to your home with a buzz-cut, tat­toos down their arms and neatly-trimmed beards.

What makes a tradie sexy? Could it be the neon vests they wear? Or the tight t-shirts re­veal­ing their bulging bi­ceps? Maybe it's the tool belt, which if pos­si­ble, would be the only thing they should be wear­ing… along with the hard­hat… for safety pur­poses of course. Or is it the socks that peak up from their boots that makes them sexy. No… it must be those legs, emerg­ing out of their shorts.

Com­pared to Europe and es­pe­cially to the US, Aussie tradies wear in­cred­i­bly short shorts. Per­haps hav­ing to wear such tiny shorts is a union thing. Aussie tradies seem all the hap­pier to wear next to noth­ing while at work. Not that any­one is com­plain­ing. Maybe they live by the mantra of ‘less is more' and know that show­ing more skin can only add to their al­lure.

I bet ev­ery­one reading this has al­lowed their eyes to make their way up from a tradie's boots to the end of his short shorts in the hope that they could catch a glimpse of his balls sway­ing just be­low the open­ing of the shorts.

I al­ways won­dered what would hap­pen if a tradie popped a boner. A busi­ness­man with an erec­tion could hid it un­der his desk while pre­tend­ing to work on his pie charts but what does a tradie do with his erec­tion es­pe­cially since he is out­doors, in pub­lic, sur­rounded by other men and wear­ing very small shorts. If any tradie can an­swer that ques­tion then please email me at [email protected] gmail.com and I will pub­lish the an­swers in the fol­low­ing month's col­umn.

While a busi­ness­man has a slick de­meanour, and is primed and clean-cut, a tradie is gruff, messy and in­for­mal. You shower with a busi­ness­man be­fore work and you shower with a tradie after work. Both dif­fer­ences are ap­peal­ing.

A busi­ness­man shows off his testos­terone by thriv­ing on work­place pres­sure and an­swer­ing tough ques­tions from the Board of Di­rec­tors. Strut­ting his stuff in the glass-walled meet­ing room, show­ing off the curve of his ass in his tight pants, he whips out his… Power Point slides…. and shows the rel­e­vant stake­hold­ers just why he is the hunk-de-jour. You will only see such cor­po­rate machismo from a busi­ness­man than say, a re­tail man­ager or a barista (no of­fence guys).

By con­trast a tradie dis­plays his man­li­ness through his sheer strength; by lift­ing, mov­ing or crush­ing heavy ob­jects. He works by cre­at­ing things, putting things to­gether or fix­ing things. A trades­man's sex­i­ness lies in his re­laxed at­ti­tude, and un­like a busi­ness­man, he can get his job done by flex­ing his mus­cles and mak­ing a dirty joke while show­ing off his toned legs.

If it came down to it which one of th­ese two ti­tans of machismo win? The tradie or the busi­ness­man? In an arm-wrestling match the tradie would win. For the set­ting to a ro­man­tic din­ner and date the busi­ness­man would win. If we take out a ruler and mea­sure who has the big­ger pe­nis? Hmmm… I leave that re­search to you…

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