The Office
Is it barking mad to bring dogs into the workplace?
Over the past few years, a new breed of staff member has entered the workforce. You might have spotted one around the office: they get passed from employee to employee, eat any food that’s lying around and don’t get paid. No, not interns – I’m talking about the office dog.
In the never-ending quest to boost staff morale, HR departments are pinning their hopes on pet-friendly offices. And while they often come up with ideas that don’t seem to have any scientific backing – whitewater rafting team-building trips come to mind – there is evidence to suggest a workplace pooch could cheer up employees.
Randolph Barker, co-author of a 2012 study by Virginia Commonwealth University in the United States, believes “pet presence may serve as a low-cost wellness intervention readily available to many organisations and may enhance organisational satisfaction and perceptions of support” (translated, I believe this means: “dogs make people happy and happy people are better workers”). Researchers from the US’s Duke University even suggest that canines can trigger the release of oxytocin (commonly referred to as the “love hormone”) in humans.
Nevertheless, there are still office-dog sceptics and I count myself among them. The seeds of doubt were sown a few years ago when my manager brought in a dog. (To preserve the dog’s anonymity, I’ll refer to him as the Spawn of Satan.)
In terms of temperament, I’d categorise the Spawn of Satan as “methamphetamine addict”. You got the sense he didn’t want to shake hands so much as dig into one of your major arteries. He worked as a kind of paper shredder, one that destroyed any document we actually needed. Worst of all, his suggestions during brainstorming sessions were utterly useless.
All of this I could take. What I couldn’t cope with was sitting down to work, only to have him jump up next to me and unleash in my direction something very different to the love chemical.
“Why are you buying a new laptop?” a staff member at the Apple Store asked me the next day. “A dog peed on it,” I replied. In that moment, I found it hard to believe “pet presence” had enhanced my “organisational satisfaction”.
The saddest part is that I’m a dog-lover – always have been, always will be, despite the Spawn of Satan’s best efforts to convince me otherwise. However, there needs to be order in an office.
Luckily, some companies do recognise this. Autodesk, a 3D-design and software company, allows dogs in the office – as long as they comply with its detailed dog policy. Dogs must be registered, approved by a manager and licensed. They must wear identification while on the premises, too, which is both adorable and appropriate.
But it’s the “three strikes” policy that is by far my favourite. I think you’ll understand why. “If a dog has three accidents inside our buildings,” it states, “the dog will need to stay at home until the owner can show that the dog has been through some kind of incontinence training program.”
It’s hard to argue with that. Maybe I’m ready to give office dogs another chance, after all. I’ll just make sure I buy laptop insurance this time.