Relationship Advice

Monica Karpinski

Q: Recently, I’ve been having some pain in my lower back, to the point where I’ll start having sex with my partner and have to stop. How can I manage this without our sex life disappearing or becoming boring?

- Victoria

A: I’m sorry to hear that you’re having some trouble with your back. First things first: if the pain is affecting your day-to-day life, I’d recommend speaking with your doctor about treatments and stretches that could help.

Certain positions and types of support may make things easier in the bedroom. What works best for you will depend on the nature of your pain: where exactly is it and do certain movements make it worse?

The answers to these questions should give you some idea of which positions will cause pain, and therefore which ones to avoid. For example, if your back hurts when arched, you might want to try positions where you’re lying down and can keep it straight.

If you are lying down flat, say in missionary position, you could support your lower back by putting a rolled towel or pillow under it. You can put your knees up for extra stability or put pillows under them when you’re lying down to take pressure off the back.

These precautions might sound like they’re taking the fun out of sex, but there’s no reason why they should. Going slow and telling your partner what’s working for you can be a very sexy thing! Try to focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch and intimacy, rather than getting fixated on what could go wrong. But if things start to get too painful, stop—it’s not worth the injury.

Once you’ve got some idea of which positions are comfortable, you can experiment with types of touch and play. For example, you could try stimulating different erogenous zones, like your fingertips or inner thighs.

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