Relationship Advice

Q: I’ve heard horror stories about online dating for over-fifties, with men only wanting to date women ten years their junior or looking for a house cleaner after they’ve become widowed—is there hope for finding a fulfilling new partner online at my age?

- Victoria

A: If you’ve just read my column, you might be surprised to learn that I actually don’t think online dating when aged over 50 is hopeless.

Yes, there are horror stories—but browse through any online forum about dating apps and you’ll find women in their twenties, thirties and forties talking about encounters they’d rather forget.

But if you accept the limitations of online dating and are clear on your boundaries, you can see it as just another way to meet people.

After all, these platforms won’t increase your chances compared to any other dating method. But they can help by increasing the amount of people you’ll meet.

And more people than ever are using these platforms. According to dating website eharmony, the amount of singles over 50 using online dating services doubled between 2010 and 2018.

What’s tough about dating this way is that you don’t really get a sense of who someone is from their profile. If you find a person you click with and feel safe doing so, you could suggest speaking over the phone before meeting up. This will give you a better feel for their personality, too.

Generally, it’s better to meet sooner rather than later, so the chemistry doesn’t fizzle out. Give it a few weeks, I say.

Plus, there are thousands of platforms to choose from that have different features and rules of engagement (the woman contacts first on Bumble, for example). There are some apps aimed at over-fifties but these aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Shop around and see what you’re comfortable with.

Remember that you’re in charge of your experience, and if you don’t like online dating then that’s fine. You aren’t hurting your chances at finding love by logging off—it just means you’ll find it another way.

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