Laughter, the Best Medicine

THE BEST MEDICINE

SMELLS LIKE LOVE

A young couple are on the first night of their honeymoon. But the new husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks. In the meantime, she is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”

The new wife draws closer, looks into his eyes and says, “Darling, so do I.”

Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me – you’ve eaten my socks.”

SUBMITTED BY JUSTIN EZZI

CLASSIFIDO

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

“Here, boy,” he replies.

SUBMITTED BY DENISE STEWART

DADDY COOL

I have mixed emotions when I receive Father’s Day gifts. I’m glad my children remember me, but I’m disappointed that they actually think I dress that way. COMEDIAN MIKE DUGAN

SPEEDY SNAIL

A cheetah is bragging one day about being the fastest animal in the jungle, when a snail overhears him and challenges him to a race. “Whoever loses has to leave the jungle forever,” says the snail, “but I get to pick where we race to.”

The cheetah grins and quickly agrees. “OK, snail,” he sneers. “Where do you want to race to?”

“Home,” says the snail.

SUBMITTED BY LEVI DEARSON

COURT OUT

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so

she interviews a young lawyer.

“Mr Peterson,” she says. “Would you say you’re honest?”

“Honest?” replies Peterson. “Let me tell you something about honesty. My parents lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every cent the minute I tried my first case.” “Impressive. What was the case?” “Mum and Dad sued me for the money.” SUBMITTED BY DEE HUDSON

LIKE ATTRACTS DISLIKE

“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.

“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.” “What happened?” “My father couldn’t stand her.”

SUBMITTED BY JAMES RICHEN

I just typed “18 beers” into my calorie-counting app and it uninstalled itself.

@SUMMEROFBENNY ON TWITTER I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?”

I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.”

COMEDIAN TIM VINE Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.

@CEEJOYNER ON TWITTER