All in a Day’s Work
HUMOUR ON THE JOB
TIME TO REFLECT
A friend of mine works at a tattoo parlour. A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later the customer called, demanding a refund. “You did my tattoo backwards,” he screamed down the phone.
“It’s backwards?” my friend said, confused.
“Yes!” came the angry reply. “I’m looking at it in the mirror right now!”
Source: clientsfromhell.net
BOLT FROM THE BLUE
When my husband got pulled over by a policeman on a trip in Switzerland, he wondered what the trouble was. “Didn’t you notice the flash from the speed camera?” asked the officer.
“Ah, that’s what it was?” said my husband, unaccustomed to this technology. “I thought it was a lightning strike.”
“Yeah, well,” said the officer before handing him a ticket with a hefty fine, “here comes the thunder.”
SUBMITTED BY URSULA HELFER
TOP DOG
Sometimes I like to sit my dog down for a performance review, just to remind him who’s boss.
@RMFNORD ON TWITTER
SAVE US
My husband was at a dinner with colleagues, and one had too much to drink. Feeling drowsy, the man sank back into his chair and said, “I don’t feel too good. I’m going into screen saver mode.”
Seen on the internet
“Have you tried opening the back and
emptying the pencil sharpenings?”
GET OUT AND WALK
You know it’s going to be a lengthy commute home in rush hour when your GPS asks you if you want to switch to pedestrian mode.
SUBMITTED BY MARY-ELLEN FAIRBAIRN
WORKIN’ NINE TO WHATEVER
Recently, an elderly couple visited the interior design store where I work to request an estimate for reupholstering some furniture. They had no photos on hand, so I asked that they bring some next time.
When they enquired about store hours, I mentioned email might be easier. Liking the idea, they asked, “What time is the email open until?”
SUBMITTED BY DEEPALI PARAKH
LEADING LIGHT
While on manoeuvres in the desert, our convoy got lost – forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. “Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you?” the base operator asked him.
“Yes,” said the lieutenant. “We are directly under the moon.”
SUBMITTED BY JESSE JOE WINGO
SHORT AND TWEET
I just found out my boss gets alerts every time I tweet, so I’d just like to say this meeting is top-notch – an all-time great meeting.
@DOCTORDOUG ON TWITTER
NUMBER CRUNCH
While taking stock of our products, I read the final numbers to my boss. As he entered each one into a calculator, I deleted it off my mobile device. Only after I’d finished did we realise he had entered the numbers on his desk phone keypad.
SUBMITTED BY DAVID MARLAND