All in a Day’s Work

A WIN’S A WIN

We took our two teenage sons to a restaurant that was packed with fans watching a sporting event on TV. The harassed waitress took our order, but 30 minutes later there was no sign of our food. I was trying to keep my boys occupied when suddenly shouts of victory erupted from the bar.

“You hear that?” said my 13-year-old. “Someone just got their food.”

SUBMITTED BY JENNIFER BISHOP

CLOSED LOOP

My husband recently answered his phone at work and heard a telemarketer on the other end start a familiar pitch about upgrading his computer software. A few seconds later the other office line rang and it was another cold caller, this one trying to sell life insurance.

“Just a moment,” my husband said, and pushed the conference-call button connecting the two lines together.

SUBMITTED BY T. O’BRIEN

“And where do you see yourself six lives from now?”

QUARTER MASTER

I ordered a foot-long roll from a sandwich bar in town for myself and my friends. There were four of us, so we decided one long roll would be cheaper than buying four individual ones.

I asked the assistant, “Would you cut it into four, please?” “I can’t do that,” he replied. “Why not?” I asked. “Because I’ve already cut it in half,” he said.

SUBMITTED BY CATHERINE HISCOX

CUT PRICE

My brother Edward went into the barbershop to have his hair trimmed. Enquiring about the price, he was told it would be $30.

“It can’t be,” protested Edward, “I’m nearly bald!”

“Well it’s $10 for the cut and $20 for my search fee,” came the response.

SUBMITTED BY JILL COHEN

LACK OF FORESIGHT

My husband was a tour guide for a 16th-century castle just near Leuchars airfield in Fife, Scotland. One day, while speaking to a group of American tourists, a jet plane flew overhead. The noise was very loud and prompted one of the party to comment that he couldn’t understand why the castle had been built so near an airfield!

SUBMITTED BY SYLVIA H. THOMSON

POLES APART

I phoned a local restaurant to ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That depends on which direction you’re coming from.”

SUBMITTED BY PATRICIA THOMPSON

PRONE TO PANIC

Among the questions on the job-application forms I handed out at our factory was one asking whom to notify in case of an accident. One job seeker wrote, “Anybody in sight.”

SUBMITTED BY JACK WORTHINGTON