The Art of Original Thinking
Nury Vittachi prefers being a thought leader to working
MY WIFE bought seedless grapes. I refused to eat them on moral grounds, but she didn’t even CARE that they were the last of their line. Women are the tough-minded sex. That disagreement ended with her rolling her eyes and telling our dinner guests, “My husband is an original thinker.”
Thinking in counter-cultural ways is usually a good thing, but not always. The HR officer where I used to work was an original thinker. Instead of telling us that job losses were about to be announced, she walked into our department and sang: “Making a list, checking it twice”. She was a sweet person, except for being a dangerous psychopath and probable serial killer.
Individual original thinkers add drama to life, but when institutions take counter-cultural stances things get interesting, as happens in India. In some districts, police who catch men urinating in public spaces leap into action and place garlands of flowers around the miscreants’ necks. It makes no sense but it stops them.
Even more creative was the official reaction when Delhi motorists with car number plates ending in odd numbers were caught driving on days reserved for car number plates ending in even numbers. Offenders were simply handed a rose and asked to be more careful about following the traffic-calming measures next time. (Memo to self: visit India next Valentine’s Day and borrow 12 cars.) One Delhi man with a number plate ending in zero was caught on an odd number driving day, and claimed that zero was neither odd nor even. He was wrong (it’s even) but the traffic ladies still offered him a rose.
When I asked around for more examples of original thinking, a colleague mentioned a recent twoman motorcycle race in Australia. The first guy’s motorcycle wouldn’t start, and the second man’s bike stalled. The logical thing would have been to abandon the race, but one guy had the bright idea of simply walking as fast as he could towards the finishing line, pushing the bike. The other did the same. Race officials said it was “like the Flintstones,” and they ended up with a winner, a good laugh, and a new record: slowest motorbike race.
But perhaps the most startling example of original thinking is the policy to pay salaries to career criminals if they agree to commit no crimes. This is not a joke. It was first tried in the US town of Richmond, California, and crime dropped so fast that the scheme is starting in Washington DC this year, with up to 50 criminals on the payroll. If this spreads around the world, ‘career criminal’ could soon become a proper respected profession, like being a doctor, lawyer, couch potato, street hustler, demagogue, etc.
I must admit, I was tempted by this, until my boss pointed out that career criminals are required to do a modicum of actual work, unlike columnists. Good point. Yet while columnists may not do anything, we do have original ideas. Anyone want to finance my adoption agency for vines on which seedless grapes grow?
‘Career criminal’ could become
a proper profession, like a doctor, lawyer, couch potato, street hustler